Take Him at His Word

“If you have questions about what God is doing in your life, continue to trust Him and seek clarity through prayer and His Word.”
~Excerpt from Our Daily Bread, http://www.rbc.org/odb/odb.shtml

Lately, there are situations in my life that I’ve been struggling to give God completely. I’ve certainly committed them to Him from the beginning, and felt Him leading in certain directions—and still leading those ways. But then something happens to shake my confidence in what He’s told me. It makes me wonder whether I’ve misinterpreted Him, or whether He’s steering me another way. But every time I start to doubt, God gives me the assurance that I should stand firm--whether he uses an incident or His Word. Most recently, it was this quote from yesterday’s Our Daily Bread, a collection of daily short devotionals accompanied by scripture passages. Through these situations, He’s showing me how essential it is to constantly give Him everything I am—my plans, my actions—everything. That’s when worry stops, and character grows.

Where would I be without Him? I really don’t want to know.

If you don’t think God cares, try giving Him your deepest desires. Not just for a day or two, but for months—then years. When you give something to Him for an extended period of time—meaning, you constantly pray for His will in a situation, trusting that only He can give you the best outcome--you see Him work, and you gain the confidence to give more things to Him. It doesn’t mean you don’t ever doubt, but it does mean that doubt dwindles.

Dare to take Him at His Word. Everything He says, He does. I don’t know anyone else who can be that good to me.

Ode to the Crush

The Crush. If you’re human, you’ve had at least one. Thoughts of a “crush” take me back to elementary school, about the time I first realized that I could like boys despite the generally held belief that those of the opposite sex had the contagious, debilitating disease called cooties. But the truth is, even long after those years, the crush doesn’t change much.

Although some believe a crush can exist even after formal romantic interaction is initiated (meaning, a date—or date equivalent, depending on your philosophy), I define it as the period before this occurrence. There are four main “crush” situations that emerge after you first realize you are romantically interested in someone. You find yourself liking another while 1) either aware or 2) unaware whether the other person is interested; or 3) aware that the other person has declared a lack of interest, yet you persist in your interest and admire either from afar—or up close (e.g. stalking); or 4) the other person has declared a lack of interest, but you fail to realize it and continue to like the other person in quiet.

The crush is a very vulnerable state. Perhaps that’s why as you pass grade school years, you most likely learn how to get past it—you quickly find out if the person is in a relationship (if you’re wise, you know that means at least for now, the person is off limits), or you take the bold route and ask the person out, or both. The point is, you just dive in somehow to get past the wondering. But despite the fact that with time most people become more adept at overcoming the period of emotional uncertainty that defines the crush, there are those times when, well, for a number of reasons, you just kinda hang out in the crush state.

I’ve both seen and experienced the extended crush. Sometimes, you just get into a situation that somehow makes it comfortable, at least for a while, not to do anything about it. Sometimes it’s for a legitimate reason—you like someone you know you shouldn’t, you don’t feel God leading you in that direction, you don’t want to mess up a friendship—but sometimes, it’s either not legitimate for you to stay there—or, a combination of the two. The more you like someone without doing anything about it, the harder it can get to do something about it. Then, the crush becomes a crutch, and a saga ensues.

There’s no real conclusion to this conversation; just like how the end of an extended crush is indefinite. But at some point, it has to end.

Thoughts on Fall 2006

It’s been a while, but I’m back to reflect on my semester. It was hectic, challenging, and full of more life lessons—some I’m still learning at the moment.

Before the semester started, I had all these expectations about how it would go—academically, professionally and personally. Academically and professionally, things did not turn out the way I expected. There were more bumps, turns and twists than anticipated. But I also realized that the unexpected came from me going to God with a plan and expecting him to pre-approve it, rather than going to Him open, knowing that He would direct me where I needed to be. I’m happy to say that midway through the semester I corrected my error, and ended up where I wanted to be—but with a better understanding of God’s grace, mercy, and a kind of spiritual and personal growth that only He can give.

Sometimes I feel I’m spinning wheels—like God is having to teach me the same lesson over and over again. But on the other hand, I think that with each lesson I learn about trusting Him, I conquer a different manifestation of doubt. And from that perspective, the number of situations in which I have difficulty trusting God have dwindled. I think that for the personal, I’ve accepted that--with some exceptions. With 2007 just days away, I know that the more I fix my eyes where they need to be, the more wonderful a year I’ll have. That’s a blessed assurance.

I'm Devastated

I've always had a thing for television newsmen. It's the journalism connection; I love a guy who can moderate a symposium, conduct a good interview or emcee an event. I can't list any television favorites per se, but there is one newsman who has always stood out: Tavis Smiley. He has such a unique way of expressing himself, and asks amazing questions. Not only has he been on my list of people to meet for years, I'll also admit that for years I've had this HUGE crush on him. And, in my far-fetched field of dreams, I've fantasized about us meeting and falling passionately in love (but not at first sight; I believe only in infatuation at first sight). Anyway, I recently watched him being interviewed on C-SPAN and had my heart broken when I heard some horrible news: Tavis confessed to being "close" to marriage.

He didn't give many details. He was discussing his book What I Know for Sure, released in October. It's about his life lessons. The interviewer asked where he was in life now; particularly, whether he would be getting married in 2007. Although he didn't agree with the time forecast, he did say "we are getting close" to that point. I didn't even know he was in a relationship! Friends and I had debated whether he was gay. I had never believed it, and held out hope that my belief would count for something. At least in a way I've been vindicated, and I may even be owed a lunch or two. But being right provides only small solace. Now that my prince is taken, I guess it's back to reality. I suppose I can give the common man a chance...

Goodbye Blog, Until the Next Holiday...

I am saying bye to my blog—for at least a few months. Earlier this week, as I said farewell to the wonderful people I worked with during my internship, I realized I have a list of things I meant to do this summer to prepare for the fall that I've barely touched. I've been having too much fun, and now I have to get focused...that means less internet-induced distractions: less blogging (although I haven't done so that much recently--it's more the mindset), less chatting, less email, less evenings out--less everything but my fall "To Do" list. (sigh) And I had so much more to say...But again, it is still summer, so if you know me, you'll still see me around...

I may unload on this page once in awhile, but as of now I'm decommissioned until December. But before I end this post for real-for real, I have to reflect on what I've learned this summer about God, myself and others. I'll get a little personal, if I may...

WHAT I'VE LEARNED
I've learned that good friendships weather time and distance, and are to be treasured. From my internship, I’ve learned how important it is for teens-especially young girls--to understand what a good relationship is, so they know to settle for nothing less...I've been reminded how blessed I am to have a drama-free family...that sometimes I shouldn’t go shopping when I have no income, even if there’s a really good sale...that by the time I'm forty, I may need to be tube-fed for lack of food that meets my diva standards... But most importantly, I've learned that sometimes I need to be reminded to let God be enough. I can't always plan, I can't always know, I can't always do, I can't always see beyond what's in front of me. It's a lesson I think I'll be learning my entire life, and one I hope you remember too.

...so until the next time, however long it may be...I hope you enjoy the rest of your summer, and are reminded that whether life brings laughs, sadness, joy or pain, only one person (to take away the mystery--God) knows what will happen next, and for that reason, He deserves all of me, and all of you...I know that was very Hallmark, very Kumbaya---but that's just me: I love a poignant, heartfelt word...Anyway, I'm officially signing off...

Transportation Woes

Have you ever gone from (having) a car to no car? It’s really really rough, especially when you don’t have a Metro within walking distance of your home. Welcome to my summer.

I’ve actually been without a car for the last year, after the one my parents had informally given me was totaled last summer by someone who shall remain nameless (It’s not me, although I did once get into an accident under humorous circumstances. It was the summer after freshman year of college and a friend and I were on our way back to my house after sneaking out to avoid a long, boring family meeting. We were deep in conversation, and she said something I totally agreed with. Showing my enthusiasm, I replied, “Yes, Yes, YES!” as I made a left turn onto what I thought was another street. However, I actually knocked into a median, bending the axle of the front left tire. It cost $2,000 to replace. The mechanic told my parents he thought someone had jumped a curb trying to make a U-turn. That wasn’t too far off from what actually happened, so I’ve allowed that story to stick. I’ve never been very spontaneous, and I’m easily consumed by guilt, so I don’t think I’ve ever had the gumption to sneak out before a family meeting since.)

ANYWAY, it wasn’t so bad not having a car before the summer because 1) I was living in an apartment right by the Metro, which was also a seven-minute ride from campus and 2) during the school year all I really did was go to class, study a lot and sleep a little. When summer rolled around and I moved back home, however, I really started to feel the hassle of not having wheels.

WEEKDAY WOES
The struggle of being in suburbia without a car varies with the chosen activity. Socially, I’ve largely managed because I either meet people in the city or request a ride from a friend, but I can’t do that when I go to my internship each morning. That experience is the source of my woes…

In the morning I get dropped off at the Metro, and it's a good half-hour ride into the city. Not too bad, but on the way back I have to take a 10-minute bus ride from the Metro to my house. Anyone who’s ridden the bus can testify---it’s a bizarre experience, mostly because of the people…

Usually when people have smiles on their faces you can assume they’re naturally cheerful, or are just excited about something. When people smile on the bus, however, you know they’re crazy, and about to bust out with something to confirm it, such as “Mommy, can I trim the Christmas tree and open my presents?” The problem is, it’s like, July, and the person is forty years old with a dusting of gray hair (True story).

And as I’ve said before, I’m disgusted by the significant increase of sexual harassers in the summer. I particularly detest the ones on the bus, who play that let-me-stare-at-you-mumble-and-lick-my-lips nonsense. In those scenarios I’m not only about to barf, I’m also fearing for my life, because the odds are the creep is crazy!

And then there’s Sunday mornings... On Saturday nights I like to do the usual: hang out with friends. However, this summer I’ve had to come home kind of early because I have to ride to church with my parents, who try to get there an hour before service starts. That means I actually lose two hours of Sunday-morning sleep. My other choices? Go to another church with one brother or get to church really late with the other. Hence, I bite the bullet.

THE UP SIDE?
Despite my woes, I do have to admit there is a bright side. Through riding with my parents on Sunday mornings I’ve actually made them happy. They’ve been feeling a little neglected by their other two children who have cars, although sometimes I can’t tell whether they’re laughing at my predicament, or they’re excited to see me, or both… Either way I’ve recently been dubbed “pseudo-only child” for being the only one to hang out with them.

Another really really good thing? I’m getting a car in a few weeks...(sigh) but only in time for school, when my love fest with the law library resumes…So if you haven’t given me a ride this summer, now is the time to be a friend…

Summer Gripes

I use the word love freely. I love that song; I love that food, I love those shoes; I love those clothes; I love that person. But sometimes, I like to talk about what I don’t like—or even hate. Here are some things that bug me about summer. They are not in ranking order (it’s not that serious).

THE EXPONENTIAL INCREASE OF (MALE) SEXUAL HARASSERS
They line sidewalks, fill up restaurants and loiter at movie theaters hoping to score/get some/hit it, etc., with anonymous women who pass them. Yes, the fact that people are wearing less clothing does have something to do with the upsurge in creeps, but I also think guys use summer as an excuse to be all over women in a way they couldn’t justify during other seasons. Personally, I will never find random low lives calling me “baby-chocolate-sexy, etc.,” flattering, and if you do, I think you need to love yourself a little more—you’re fearfully and wonderfully made, after all.

I’ll also admit, however, that a small-but-solid contingent of nice, upstanding men tends to appear in summer as well—but that’s only a small consolation compared to the much larger number of ineligibles. My advice, ladies, is remember what you learned in elementary school: boys (which would include physically grown men who sexually harass by engaging in catcalling and other disrespectful attempts to pick up women) have cooties, and if you get too close to them, you will catch whatever it is they’re spreading. Stick with men.

BIKINIS
I just don’t like them. To elaborate, I would need much more space. Maybe I will later.

HEAT AND HUMIDITY
The muggy summer Washington weather makes me feel all sticky and in need of, like, three showers a day. Also, I don’t like the sun trying to mess with my skin tone. I like it how it is.

TOURISTS
They cover the National Mall; clog up the Metro. And they don’t know about the stay-on-the-right-side-of the-Metro escalator-if-you’re-not-going-to-walk-up-it Code (If you know me, you’re aware I always keep it moving, so I never stand on the escalator. I can only say “excuse me” politely so many times. When I find myself starting to get snippy, I have to take a deep breath, sigh, and resign myself to standing.)

Also, I’ve never understood why tourists take pictures of subways cars. Even if you’re from Walla Walla, Washington, and you’ve likely never seen one live, are they really that memorable? I mean, are your friends and neighbors seriously going to be fascinated when you tell them they’re looking at a blurry picture of a moving train?

SUMMER FLINGS
This is a tangential gripe to the sexual harassers comment. On a more serious note, people often find the need to be in relationships for the summer “just for fun” , or to pass time. Far too often, they end poorly. Not that it can’t lead to more, but I think there’s a definite difference in the outcome when there is an intent to have a summer fling and when you just happen to meet someone in the summer. Okay—I feel the legal jargon coming out, so let me stop… Anyway, I think the quest for a summer fling hits at a deeper, disturbing issue--our often insatiable desire to be with someone even if it comes at a price. Relationships shouldn’t be forced. If the only summer relationship option you have is a fling, there are plenty of other valuable, rewarding ways to spend your time that you won’t later regret…See old friends, family, work on a cause, travel…the possibilities are limitless…

SAYING GOODBYE
Every summer, someone near and dear to me leaves good old MD for a new city and a new state. This year it’s some of my closest girls---I’ve already blogged on this in my “To My Girls” entry. Again, to my lovely friends who are off to wow other parts of the country with their grace, intelligence, and creativity, Godspeed.

TO BE CONTINUED…
I know there’s so much more to hate, but coming up with this gripe list has been kind of draining; as I said before, I’m a lover, not a hater:)(evident in the number of times I use the smiley face. I still don’t think I know what the frown symbol is--:(--am I right?). Maybe my next entry will be about what I love. I guess you’ll have to see…

The Metro Will Eat Your Purse

Okay, you know how people rush to get on the Metro as the doors are closing and stick their bags in the door to stop them? This is a friendly reminder not to do that.

This morning, some guy dressed in a fancy suit with a fancy briefcase made that mistake. In his case, both his arm and bag got stuck in the door. The conductor promptly reopened the doors to free his arm, but his bag dropped into the train car without him.

Because I was by the door, I tried to get his attention to quickly let him know that I would be taking his bag to Metro Center, but he didn’t look my way. Another guy across the aisle from me ended up grabbing the bag, but made no attempt to alert the owner he was doing so. That worries me. I tried to ask him what he was going to do with it, but a flood of Metro riders entering at the next station boxed me in.

But again, the lesson: The Metro does not care about you; they want your money, not your praise (have you checked out the Washington Post series on Metro incompetence? I think it was printed last summer. If you haven’t, google/Westlaw/LexisNexis it. What you read may shock you.). Beware: the system will steal your stuff.

Lessons from J School

“I’ll call you. I promise.”

Although those infamous words are generally linked to stories about someone, usually a guy, failing to call a date as promised, to me those words have a different meaning. After my experience as a journalism major in college, the words “I’ll call you I promise” are a reminder of having to pursue relentlessly sources who broke promises to call back.

In journalism school students are often taught one of the best ways to land a job after graduation is to seize as many internship opportunities as possible. But even for those like myself who did not plan to go into journalism and didn’t care about having plum internships, we got our heavy dose of “living in the reporter’s shoes” through assignments from teachers and college newspaper editors. We had to write numerous stories, which inevitably involved having to seek out sources.

I quickly found the source-gathering process is the best and worst thing about journalism. On the one hand, through interviewing you meet intriguing people who are accommodating and helpful.

On the other hand, you meet people who want to make reporting more difficult than it has to be. There is something about being interviewed that often makes people feel suspicious and paranoid. It’s a distrust that often transcends race, religion, color, creed or background. It’s also the dichotomy of the public’s relationship with the press; although people read the newspaper, watch the news and listen to it on the radio, they are often unwilling to help the news media they patronize (whether they’re willing to call it “patronization” or not).

There are a number of theories that may explain the public’s behavior toward journalists. One is the perception that the journalist’s motive is always to shed false light on someone for personal gain. I have seen this theory manifest numerous times.

As a college senior I covered debates hosted by student organizations. After one of them, I asked a group’s president for an interview. However, she told me her answers would come with a condition.

“I learned in a class once that journalists try to make people sound bad by putting their comments word-for-word in stories, so you’re not supposed to do an interview unless they promise to clean up your quotes,” she said matter-of-factly.

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing; at the time, her response was a first. Using my inside voice, I calmly replied,

“Actually, it’s not very journalistic for me to clean up quotes, so I’ll just ask someone else.” As a turned to leave, she stopped me with a shout. Gaining a newfound confidence in my ability to portray her fairly, she said,

“Uhh-no, that’s okay; I’ll do the interview…I trust your judgment.”

It’s amazing how many opinions would change in about thirty seconds.

Then there were others who fall under the “I’ll call you I promise category.” These are the folks who agree to an interview, but during it get asked a question they can’t immediately answer. They promise to get back to you promptly with an answer, but never end up doing so without a little hounding. By the time you finish grilling them, they’re wishing you had never called them in the first place.

The forgiving rationale for such behavior is that people genuinely want to help, but are just so busy they forget. The more cynical explanation is that during or after an interview, they get this epiphany that they are unnecessarily taking time out of their workload to help someone else do his or her job. Forget my promise; the reporter can find someone else, they reason. However, ‘finding someone else’ is not the ideal situation on deadline. A teacher of mine said it best: When reporting, “trust no one.”

And there were still others who decide to be interviewed, but are extremely difficult about the terms of their service. They ask to preview all questions, which must be typed in Times New Roman, 10-point font, one-inch margins. They also request a faxed copy of the article “before it goes to print”-even if it’s just a homework assignment.

Although I don’t plan to be a journalist per se—I’m more interested in using my journalism skills in law and other fields-- I have an appreciation for the amount of tolerance and hard work it takes to be in the profession. People wonder why journalists can be pushy when trying to get an interview. I now understand that it’s because they have the important job of informing the public about what goes on in their communities and beyond, but the public doesn’t always see the importance of aiding them in the process. The situation in Iraq illustrates the fact that the news media have an invaluable role, and cooperation from the public would be much appreciated.

Granted, journalists don’t always use the best tactics to obtain information or report on everything “objectively”, especially regarding racial issues. Blacks are most often shown in evening news mug shots, but not interviewed as experts, which clearly needs to change. Two major parts of the problem are the lack of minority representation in news, especially in key locations such as the Washington Press Corps (reporters who cover the White House), and, within the profession, the general lack of understanding of how to train journalists, who are mostly white and middle class, how to be sensitive to racial and cultural issues (although I argue everyone needs some form of diversity training, but some need more than others). Unity Journalists of Color, which includes National Associations for Black, Hispanic, Native American and Asian Journalists, are working to correct these problems. Also, news organizations such as Knight Ridder, one of the most diverse with a “Diversity. No excuses” motto, and, ironically, Fox News, are making serious efforts to diversify news media. However, more profession-wide efforts are needed.

But journalism’s shortcomings do not completely explain the way journalists are treated. I have interviewed plenty of people my own race who have displayed the same attitude toward journalists as people of other races. People of all backgrounds are also quick to make usually unsupported statements such as “the media doesn’t know the power they have” and “the media doesn’t care about people.” Actually, most people who go into journalism don’t do so for selfish reasons—they do it for the love of the pen and telling others’ stories. And, as a result of being journalists, they actually do become more racially and culturally sensitive (also confused with being “loose and liberal”). I would dare say that, for the most part, journalists deserve much more credit than they receive.

What can you take from my comments? Don’t be so quick to label journalists as “unfair.” Know that although they aren’t perfect, you shouldn’t always assume the worst in reporters. Also, don’t look at the media as one large, unified group. Media, after all, is plural for medium; it’s media are, not media is (which also invalidates comments such as the “media doesn’t”). There are sports journalists, entertainment journalists, and hard news reporters (e.g. CNN, Washington Post, Newsweek). Not everyone has the same goal—some forms of journalism are clearly more noble than others. As a journalism student trained in hard news reporting, I’m partial to that form of journalism, so even I have to catch myself and see beyond the negative societal stereotypes targeting reporters generally. And one more thing…

If you’re ever in a situation where you’re tempted to decline being interviewed by a journalist for no good reason, or if you utter the words “I’ll call you I promise” during an interview, think about whether it would kill you to actually do it.

Strange Happenings in the Life of Seyi

I’m a magnet for strange occurrences. A partial explanation is that I’m both almost always in a hurry and lost in thought, so I tend to miss things like walls or steps in front of me. Some of these strange happenings, however, can’t be explained. Slipped on a banana and gone flying, head first into someone’s butt? That was eighth grade. Walking to class in broad daylight when hot, liquidy bird poop lands on my nose? Freshman year of college. Telling people to shut-up while on my cel phone in my sleep? Done that. I even had a squirrel run up my leg sophomore year. In the grand scheme of weird occurrences in my life, the one I am about to tell you is only slightly memorable. However, you may find it amusing…

I was in Ikea with my roommate. We were looking at some cheap picture frames when we heard this loud voice say “There’s a monkey on my back, there’s a monkey on my back.” We turned toward the noise, and who did we see? None other than Iyanna from Road Rules Season 8, Semester at Sea (Other notables from the season: Veronica, Yes (yes, he was fine—tacky, I know, but I can’t help myself; he was:)) and Sean (kinda cute, but no Yes:)). She was telling her companion a story.

I don’t want to say too much about Iyanna, but I will comment that, at least on television, she was portrayed as a….well…nut job. To refresh the memories of Road Rules and Battle of the Sexes watchers, a quote from Iyanna: “All I wanted was just one of y’all---to have my back!” (That’s the only one I can think of. I also vaguely remember consistent bouts of thrashing, crying and yelling). It’s fair to say she ranks among the top five most volatile Road Rules cast members, which is no small feat considering the cast selection. (And you know MTV has hit an all-time low on the latest season of the Real World by airing the therapy sessions of an anorexic cast member with a host of emotional issues. Someone with so many personal problems should not have been cast. MTV has exploited cast members for years—that’s the essence of its reality television, but this is by far the sickest form.)

Perhaps you don’t find me running into Iyanna worth discussing; after all, she did go to Howard undergrad and likely lives around here. But at the same time, to hear some random person yelling “There’s a monkey on my back” in Ikea and turn around and it’s a crazy person from reality TV…I think that’s just enough to rank as an officially weird occurrence. I actually kind of wonder whose monkey it was, and what it was doing on her back…

Everything May Happen for a Reason...

“Everything happens for a reason.”

I’m sure you’ve heard that phrase and, as many people do, you might even love it. However, I find it incomplete and unpersuasive. Everything may happen for a reason, but sometimes the only reason is to let you know it didn’t have to happen that way. To some, even that revelation does not diminish the significance of the phrase. But if you’ve made a commitment to live for God wholeheartedly, I argue it is especially lacking.

One reason the phrase is questionable is that it’s often used to dismiss poor choices without taking full responsibility for them. We often take pride in the fact that God brought us through difficult situations that were the result of wrong turns we took in our lives. Dating the wrong guy or girl? Isolating yourself from friends who were trying to steer you in the right direction? Neglecting responsibilities (eg. school or work) for illegitimate reasons? These are all situations we can ultimately learn from, but usually at a price. Chances are we are less likely to make the same mistake (except maybe with the relationship thing, but don’t get me started), but that doesn’t mean what we did was in God’s plan. It’s important to realize that it is God’s character to turn the mistakes his children make from “lemons into lemonade.” The popular verse Romans 8:28 makes essentially the same point: “And we know all things work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose.” These words may be comforting, but they should not be an excuse for us not to change our negative behaviors.

It’s also important to note there’s a difference between God allowing or creating a difficult situation and working it out and us creating a difficult situation that he turns positive (although technically anything that happens he allows, but I’m trying not to be too technical). A biblical example of a difficult situation God either allowed or created (I’m saying both because I think the exact answer is more theologically nuanced than I’m prepared to be) is the story of Joseph. In Genesis 50, Joseph, now an Egyptian ruler, says to his brothers who sold him into slavery, “You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives” (v. 20).

Compare Joseph’s story to one about King Saul in I Samuel. In it Saul tries to dismiss his choice to ignore God’s exact instructions about conquering another people group. His rationale is that although he didn’t do exactly what God asked, in the end Saul gave Him the best cattle of his plunder. But in I Samuel 15:22 Samuel responds: "Does the Lord delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices as much as in obeying the voice of the Lord? To obey is better than sacrifice, and to heed is better than the fat of rams.”

Further, look at the story of David. In the end we know him as “a man after God’s own heart” (I Samuel 13:14) who was blessed immensely, but he also faced consequences for the poor choices he made that, even by his own admission, could have been avoided (II Samuel 12). These distinctions are important to make regarding our own relationships with God.

Ultimately, when we choose to follow God, we have to decide how serious we want to be about our faith. The goal should not be just to pass into heaven based only on accepting Jesus as Savior; it should be to reach for the rewards. A measure of how serious our faith should be is the way we often approach other commitments. For example, school. Would you really call a semester successful if at the end of it your transcript displayed straight Ds? You’d likely acknowledge passing the class, but not that you were proud of your performance.

Yet with our relationships with God, we often think it’s okay to have mediocre marks. We claim the name of God on Sunday, name Jesus and the Bible as our interests, and wear crosses around our necks. I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with this—if we love him, we should claim his name, but that isn’t all we should do. Jesus said in Luke 9:23, “If any man comes after me, he must deny himself, take up his cross and follow me daily.” That means that every hour, we are asked to put every sin aside—the urge to make a poor decision, a wrong turn—and live for what it is we say we believe. In the context of this life, the choice is considered “radical”, but the truth is that we are asked to follow the One who knows everything and can make our lives better than we ever could on our own.

Everything may happen for a reason, but that doesn’t mean our self-evaluation should stop there. It should not be enough that we learn from making bad decisions, but that we initially choose God’s best. That’s certainly better than my best.

You're Kidding

One of my favorite phrases is “You have got to be kidding me.” Of course, the proper usage of the expression is “You’re kidding,” but I like to add the “got to be” for emphasis. For me, it’s an all-purpose phrase: I use it when I'm both shocked and angry; when I’m surprised and excited at the same time.

Last week I had the ultimate “You have got to be kidding me” moment at the mall. For the last couple weeks, I’ve had my hair cornrowed up, away from my face. I haven’t worn it like that in years, so it’s gotten a lot of attention (I have a cut-it-or-don’t-do-it philosophy, and I’ve chosen the don’t do it option, so braids are my best friend). It was a particularly bad time to be at the mall because all the little high school kids were prom shopping. I walked into an accessory store to get some clips. One of the employees, 15 (by her admission), walked over to the area I was standing.

“Do you need help shopping for the prom?” she asked.
“Excuse me?” I replied, looking around to make sure she wasn’t looking past me. She wasn’t.
“I’m not in high school…” I began.
“You’re not?” she cut in incredulously.
“No,” I replied, trying my best not to be nasty. “I’m actually past high school and college.”
“Oh, I am sooooo sorry," she said, apparently embarrassed. However, I questioned her sincerity when she kept repeating, “but you look sooooooooo young.”

If that were not enough, less than five minutes later, some kid asked me if I go to his high school.

I will concede I've been told I look younger than my age many times, but not high-school young. Perhaps if I were, I don’t know, like, two decades older, I could have given those kids a little giggle, placed a hand on their arms and said something like “ooohhh, thank you.” But at my age, it is downright insulting. You have got to be kidding me.

To My Girls

Spending the last couple weeks catching up with friends I haven’t seen in months—and in some cases, a year--I’ve been reminded that I know so many phenomenal people, especially my girls. I used to say in high school, now to my embarrassment, “good girlfriends are hard to find, but when you find a few, you have them forever.” But as tacky as it sounds, it’s true.

Some girls like to conclude they can only be friends with guys because girls can be jealous back-stabbers. I tend to find girls who make this conclusion look for the wrong girlfriends, and have the wrong attitude. Example: Those who are so consumed with the fact that other girls “hate” on them. When you stand out (for whatever reason), somebody is going to denigrate you. I’m not saying it can’t be hurtful or that it’s right, but welcome to life. My advice is get over it and be on the lookout for people who don’t act that way.

Enter my girls. They are focused, determined women who have noble goals, and fill their time with activities that will allow them to reach those goals. When one is successful, the others celebrate. And when I bring some of my girlfriends together who don’t know each other, they automatically click because they have agreed to be above the cat fighting so they can learn from--and give to-- each other.

I also disagree with the idea that it is unnecessary to be a woman without good girlfriends because I think every girl who is honest with herself needs another to confide in. Not to knock guy friendships, but we all know that sometimes they can be…um…not just friendships. With female friendships, you just don’t have some of the complications that can happen when guys and girls get together (I believe guys and girls can be just friends-- even just good friends—but not only really-really good friends). Also, there are just things about being a girl that most guys can’t understand, or certain perspectives that only women tend to share. Granted, there are male exceptions, but for the most part other girls can empathize with the delights and down sides of being a woman in a way that a man obviously cannot…

…So this summer is dedicated to my girls. It is yet another season of goodbyes. Some are moving away to pursue graduate degrees, another is taking an out-of-town job; one might be getting married. The days when we saw each other at least a couple times a week as college students are becoming an even more distant memory. But despite the space, I know we’ll keep our friendships near.

On “Owning” Office Attire

Office attire can be the most boring type of clothing. Suits are usually the drabbest forms of brown, black and blue. Then there are those collared shirts you’re supposed to wear under them, which make them even more intolerable. Finally, the covered shoes; I hate pumps with a passion. I first began wearing suits when I started a full-time office job in January 2005. In the beginning, I went with the flow: I purchased blue, black and brown suits, some a little more adventurous with white, pink or purple pinstripes. I also went to Payless and bought a couple pairs of cheap pumps, knowing they would be thrown off my feet the minute I left the building for almost any reason. But I just wasn’t happy with what I was putting on each day; I didn’t want to dress that way, but I thought I had to.

My saving grace was found one day when I went shopping with my mom. I don’t particularly like doing so for too long because, as I like to tell my mother, she is not a true shopper. After visiting just two or three stores, she wants to sit down or go home. I don’t spend a lot of time in each store, but I do hit as many as I can on a trip to the mall, and I like to visit at least two shopping centers on each trip. Anyway, that day in January I was looking for a few more pieces to add to my mounting office clothing collection when my mom held up a top covered with gold sequins.

“Why don’t you wear this under your suit?” she suggested.
Used to disagreeing with my mom’s sense of fashion, without looking at it I blurted out “No!” Then I turned toward it, and at that moment, I asked myself….:Why can’t I wear something like that to work?” Wracking my brain, I couldn’t find a reason not to; it would be underneath complying attire, after all.

From then on, I enjoyed getting dressed in the morning. Lace tank tops underneath the suit? I was so on it. Sleeveless turtleneck sweaters? So me. Cute little plain T-shirts—Check, if they matched the suit’s pinstripes. I even started wearing tube tops. Although I’m usually not a fan of them because I don’t like having to pull up my attire every five seconds, I don’t have to worry about that when I have something on top of it. Finally, the flower in the hair that matched the lip gloss added a nice unique touch.

By that time, summer came around, and I was especially itching to get out of those covered shoes. By that point, I had switched to boots, some with unusual colors such as cranberry red or shiny snakeskin boots in gray and copper. Granted, they looked a little “clubbish,” but I had even middle-aged women who tend to be to-the-letter when it comes to office clothing asking where they could get pairs. I think I set off an office trend…Anyway, by summer, I was so ready to forgo socks for sandals, but I was afraid to wear them to work with a suit, especially at a large stuffy law firm. However, one day I noticed a woman in lime-green sandals similar to some I had in my closet. That was all I needed. From then on, it was sandals in almost any color for which you could also find as a crayon. The process of making office attire my own was now complete.

When I went back to school last fall I was once again in baby T-shirts and jeans in the fall and winter; jean skirts (and of course sandals) in the spring. Now that I’m working at a legal clinic this summer, I have implemented some of my changes to office attire, wearing it even on casual days.

I think I’ll keep my changes even as an attorney. I’m already trying to get some pointers from other code-breakers I’ve met in the halls of the courthouse. One attorney wore a dark purple suit earlier this week. It was near-hideous with a gold zipper on the jacket instead of buttons, but she did give me the name of a store that has suits in more than just the expected colors. I’ll definitely be checking it out. With all the hours I’ll likely be working after graduation, I have to be in comfortable clothing. As long as I can add my touch to it, I’ll continue looking forward to getting dressed in the morning.

A Little Girl on Her Knees; A Grown Woman on Her Knees

Before I started law school, I had been teaching Sunday School since I was in eleventh grade. I’ve always loved it because kids are so open to learning new things, and most of them catch on quickly.

Today I filled in for a teacher who always takes Mother’s Day off. I was feeling a little mushy because in the church service the same children had just performed an adorable Mother’s Day skit and song. The theme was “Don’t Forget to Pray.” At the end of the mini-musical, a first-grade girl epitomizing cuteness in a flowery yellow dress stood in front of a microphone and softly said, “Thank you, mom, for reminding us to pray.”

In truth, what the children had to say (or were told to say), was quite insightful. We really put so many things in front of prayer when we are not focused on God. But if we have relationships with God, prayer should be such an intricate part of our lives—we can talk to God anywhere, and any time. I’ve grown so much from seeking God with everything, which means, among other things, praying constantly, and I see a difference when I choose not to.

But more than the lesson I learned from the presentation was a reminder that I once stood in the same place as those children, singing the same songs and learning the same verses. I also thought about how these kids are going to grow up, like I did, and they’ll have a foundation, a knowledge of God from a young age that they will either choose to make a part of their adult lives, or choose to give it up. Or maybe they’ll initially make one choice, and change course later in life.

I pray I always choose God’s way. Sometimes I think about how I’ve never had a “rebellious” period, but I’m also reminded that God is most concerned with our motivation—not whether the rest of the world tells us we’re “good” or “well-behaved.” As the verse in Matthew says, it is possible to honor God with our lips, but have our hearts far from him (Matthew 15:8). God doesn’t see what we see—We look at the outside; but God sees the heart (I Samuel 16:7). If we say we love him, our challenge is for our characters to become closer to his (II Corinthians 3:18).

I’ll always be a work in progress, but I want to be one on my knees, just like I was when I was young. And I pray those children make the same choice.

A Must-See Film

I just saw Human Trafficking, one of the best movies I have ever seen. I’m the kind of person who puts most films in the “okay” category, and I’m open to most anything that doesn’t have excessive cursing, graphic sex scenes or full nudity. (Okay, that actually eliminates a lot of moviesJ.) However, I also tend to fall asleep whenever I watch a movie, and as a result I rarely go to a theatre to see one (The dark room, the couch or the relatively comfortable theatre seating makes me want to lay my head against the arm rest and catch some zzzzzs) When I say a movie is incredible after seeing it only once, it means, at the very least, that I actually watched the whole thing without falling asleep.…
What I loved about the movie was the fact that it presented such a vivid picture of a topic we don’t usually consider in the context of American society, human trafficking. We think India, China, Africa (the “country”, not the continent). But the movie is set not only abroad in the Philippines and Eastern Europe, but also in New York and Washington, D.C. Sex slaves are found in each location. In fact, according to the film, America creates the largest demand for human trafficking in the world.
Throughout the film, a number of vignettes with round characters are woven together: a Ukrainian father seeking to find his daughter who was sold into slavery under the guise of a modeling contract; a hardworking, a Czech single mother who had dinner with the wrong guy; a girl about eight years old from the Philippines sold into slavery by her poor parents; an American family whose 12-year-old daughter is stolen and taken to a kiddy brothel; the trafficking lords who orchestrate the operation, and the Department of Homeland Security officers who are trying to put a stop to it all.
Although some aspects of the movie are unbelievable—some of the accents, the way the vignettes come together, and to an extent the way the operation is busted—it does show the gravity of being a sex slave. I was especially struck by the child pornography story line. A scene with an American actor from New York is especially disturbing…But seriously, I should stop talking about the movie, because it’s one you need to see. Be prepared, however, it’s a three-hour, two-part film; the first part sets up the high-drama that ensues in the second. I love serious films that educate and purely humorous ones alike, and this one is certainly a film that should leave you more socially conscious than you were before it….(insert suspenseful promotional music) Mira Sorvino. Donald Sutherland. Human Trafficking. A must-see film. (This film is not rated.) Okay. Let me stop; I’m probably amusing only myself.

Welcome to My Blog

Welcome to my blog. It really is odd this is my first; I studied blogs in college before they became so popular. Also, I’m known for always having something to say. I guess I’m kind of turned off by the idea of people being able to read what I’m thinking so readily; I’d rather just write in my private journal. But there are some thoughts that I’m okay with the world having access to—I do plan to write a non-fiction book about my thoughts on a topic I really care about, after all. In this blog I’ll probably write about the news media, my summer internship, law school impressions, food, working out (which is more of an aspiration than a reality at this point, but this summer I want muscles of Maddona-like proportions—I’m like, 35 percent there:)), God, family, friends..Anyway, here it is. I’m not going to go out of my way to publicize it, but if you actually might care what I have to say, drop by once in a while…