Take Him at His Word

“If you have questions about what God is doing in your life, continue to trust Him and seek clarity through prayer and His Word.”
~Excerpt from Our Daily Bread, http://www.rbc.org/odb/odb.shtml

Lately, there are situations in my life that I’ve been struggling to give God completely. I’ve certainly committed them to Him from the beginning, and felt Him leading in certain directions—and still leading those ways. But then something happens to shake my confidence in what He’s told me. It makes me wonder whether I’ve misinterpreted Him, or whether He’s steering me another way. But every time I start to doubt, God gives me the assurance that I should stand firm--whether he uses an incident or His Word. Most recently, it was this quote from yesterday’s Our Daily Bread, a collection of daily short devotionals accompanied by scripture passages. Through these situations, He’s showing me how essential it is to constantly give Him everything I am—my plans, my actions—everything. That’s when worry stops, and character grows.

Where would I be without Him? I really don’t want to know.

If you don’t think God cares, try giving Him your deepest desires. Not just for a day or two, but for months—then years. When you give something to Him for an extended period of time—meaning, you constantly pray for His will in a situation, trusting that only He can give you the best outcome--you see Him work, and you gain the confidence to give more things to Him. It doesn’t mean you don’t ever doubt, but it does mean that doubt dwindles.

Dare to take Him at His Word. Everything He says, He does. I don’t know anyone else who can be that good to me.

Ode to the Crush

The Crush. If you’re human, you’ve had at least one. Thoughts of a “crush” take me back to elementary school, about the time I first realized that I could like boys despite the generally held belief that those of the opposite sex had the contagious, debilitating disease called cooties. But the truth is, even long after those years, the crush doesn’t change much.

Although some believe a crush can exist even after formal romantic interaction is initiated (meaning, a date—or date equivalent, depending on your philosophy), I define it as the period before this occurrence. There are four main “crush” situations that emerge after you first realize you are romantically interested in someone. You find yourself liking another while 1) either aware or 2) unaware whether the other person is interested; or 3) aware that the other person has declared a lack of interest, yet you persist in your interest and admire either from afar—or up close (e.g. stalking); or 4) the other person has declared a lack of interest, but you fail to realize it and continue to like the other person in quiet.

The crush is a very vulnerable state. Perhaps that’s why as you pass grade school years, you most likely learn how to get past it—you quickly find out if the person is in a relationship (if you’re wise, you know that means at least for now, the person is off limits), or you take the bold route and ask the person out, or both. The point is, you just dive in somehow to get past the wondering. But despite the fact that with time most people become more adept at overcoming the period of emotional uncertainty that defines the crush, there are those times when, well, for a number of reasons, you just kinda hang out in the crush state.

I’ve both seen and experienced the extended crush. Sometimes, you just get into a situation that somehow makes it comfortable, at least for a while, not to do anything about it. Sometimes it’s for a legitimate reason—you like someone you know you shouldn’t, you don’t feel God leading you in that direction, you don’t want to mess up a friendship—but sometimes, it’s either not legitimate for you to stay there—or, a combination of the two. The more you like someone without doing anything about it, the harder it can get to do something about it. Then, the crush becomes a crutch, and a saga ensues.

There’s no real conclusion to this conversation; just like how the end of an extended crush is indefinite. But at some point, it has to end.

Thoughts on Fall 2006

It’s been a while, but I’m back to reflect on my semester. It was hectic, challenging, and full of more life lessons—some I’m still learning at the moment.

Before the semester started, I had all these expectations about how it would go—academically, professionally and personally. Academically and professionally, things did not turn out the way I expected. There were more bumps, turns and twists than anticipated. But I also realized that the unexpected came from me going to God with a plan and expecting him to pre-approve it, rather than going to Him open, knowing that He would direct me where I needed to be. I’m happy to say that midway through the semester I corrected my error, and ended up where I wanted to be—but with a better understanding of God’s grace, mercy, and a kind of spiritual and personal growth that only He can give.

Sometimes I feel I’m spinning wheels—like God is having to teach me the same lesson over and over again. But on the other hand, I think that with each lesson I learn about trusting Him, I conquer a different manifestation of doubt. And from that perspective, the number of situations in which I have difficulty trusting God have dwindled. I think that for the personal, I’ve accepted that--with some exceptions. With 2007 just days away, I know that the more I fix my eyes where they need to be, the more wonderful a year I’ll have. That’s a blessed assurance.

I'm Devastated

I've always had a thing for television newsmen. It's the journalism connection; I love a guy who can moderate a symposium, conduct a good interview or emcee an event. I can't list any television favorites per se, but there is one newsman who has always stood out: Tavis Smiley. He has such a unique way of expressing himself, and asks amazing questions. Not only has he been on my list of people to meet for years, I'll also admit that for years I've had this HUGE crush on him. And, in my far-fetched field of dreams, I've fantasized about us meeting and falling passionately in love (but not at first sight; I believe only in infatuation at first sight). Anyway, I recently watched him being interviewed on C-SPAN and had my heart broken when I heard some horrible news: Tavis confessed to being "close" to marriage.

He didn't give many details. He was discussing his book What I Know for Sure, released in October. It's about his life lessons. The interviewer asked where he was in life now; particularly, whether he would be getting married in 2007. Although he didn't agree with the time forecast, he did say "we are getting close" to that point. I didn't even know he was in a relationship! Friends and I had debated whether he was gay. I had never believed it, and held out hope that my belief would count for something. At least in a way I've been vindicated, and I may even be owed a lunch or two. But being right provides only small solace. Now that my prince is taken, I guess it's back to reality. I suppose I can give the common man a chance...