Open Letter To The Revolution (Congrats, Dr. Lindsay!)

Yesterday I attended the wedding of Dr. Lindsay Marsh, President and Founder of Worth the Wait Revolution, the organization I’m part of that promotes purity among young adults. I was ecstatic about going because so many – including myself – have been encouraged by Dr. Marsh’s shining example of living purity.

The wedding was beautiful! By far the best moment – one the entire church cheered – was the couple’s very first kiss, which happened when they were pronounced husband and wife (they didn't announce it as their inaugural lip lock, but we all knew the story)! I am praying Dr. Lindsay and Gareth – now Mr. and Mrs. Gareth Warren – had not just a wonderful night (wink!), but also have a fun, amazing life serving God together. I am sobered by the words of The Apostle Paul in 1 Thessalonians 4:3-7:

“3It is God's will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; 4that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, 5not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God; 6and that in this matter no one should wrong his brother or take advantage of him. The Lord will punish men for all such sins, as we have already told you and warned you. 7For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life.”

As I’ve said many times, living purity is about so much more than avoiding sex. It is about breathing, walking, discerning - God’s plans for our lives. The pursuit is essential to a deep, daily journey with Christ.

I can think of no better way to commemorate this joyous occasion here than to ponder the meaning of purity – probably not afresh, as I hit the topic often, but anew as a chance to be reminded of what it means to live it. Below is text I prepared for a ladies’ gathering on purity this summer. I only informally shared the words, but I will formally now. The questions addressed were 1) What Is Purity; 2) Why Do I Pursue It and 3) How Do I Pursue It? I emphasized the first question: "What is Purity?”

Considering my story, I am humbled by God’s love, power and forgiveness. Just this week I randomly clicked on a blog entry from 2007, during which I “debated” whether to get my first purity ring. In the entry I also shared my feelings of discomfort about discussing my pursuit of purity, one reason fear of others’ reactions. Honestly, I had no recollection of ever having said that (how quickly we forget thangs! But for His mercy...)! My position then – compared to now - really highlights just how much God has grown me. Now I am so burdened to live purity that I cannot keep the pursuit to myself!

I can say, honestly, that joining The Revolution without reservation has allowed me to see God constantly refine me as I learn the meaning of "putting to death" the most earthly, selfish desires for sanctified, heavenly ones. To all those who are part of the Purity Revolution – and future members - who pursue God’s will that we learn to control our bodies, holy and honorably, this open letter of reflection is to encourage you in this Highest of callings…

I. WHAT IS PURITY?

A. Purity Starts with the Heart ("Inward Purity")

When I’m asked “what is purity?” my literary training immediately makes me think I need to provide a neat, Webster-like definition. One denotation our society – including Christians, tends to use, is, of course, someone who has never had sex.

But even this generally accepted definition can raise questions. For example, what if you’ve had oral sex, but not “direct” intercourse? Forgive me if I sound crass, but this is the kind of debate we get into when we define purity based on the world’s standards. When we turn to God’s Word, however, it has a much clearer – and deeper – meaning with more rich descriptions than Webster can fit for any one word.

Purity is, first of all, a heart condition. Although it does require refraining from some physical activities - including sex, oral or otherwise, it also means adopting a particular lifestyle. The Psalmist addresses the holistic nature of purity in Psalm 119: 9 -11:

“How can a young man keep his way pure? By living according to your Word. I seek you with all my heart, do not let me stray from your commands. I have hidden your word in my heart, that I might not sin against God.”

By living as Christ commands, we learn how to have pure hearts. Proverbs 4 calls the heart the wellspring of life – the seat of our emotion from which all other aspects of our lives flow. The Bible also says what is in our hearts is reflected in our thoughts. Proverbs 23 says that we are what we think in our hearts.

Whether we are pure from the heart is related to what we fill our minds with. We can fail to live purity by our thoughts alone. Maybe we are consumed with fantasizing about how we can get sexual pleasure. Or maybe the only reason we’re not having sex outside God’s boundaries of marriage is because the right guy – or any guy – hasn’t come along.

We also cannot be pure from the heart if we are filled with bitterness or anger about romantic love - or anything else. Maybe we are not having sex or anything like it, but we are so discontent about not having a man – or disillusioned by the whole love thing – that we resent God.

A woman with a pure heart learns to be hopeful – free from the world’s cynicism or distortions about sex or love. Purity recognizes that God has the power to accomplish anything in love and marriage regardless of what society focuses on - the ratio of single men to women; the divorce rate; how many people around her are in relationships while she is single. She also doesn’t see sex as “dirty,” but recognizes that God made it to be a wonderful, fascinating and free experience within the bounds of a marriage orchestrated by God.

B. Calling All

If purity starts from the heart, then no one is disqualified from it based on having made certain outward decisions, including having had sex. Just as when we pray to ask Jesus to save us from sin we are given new life in Christ, so when we choose purity a rebirth from within occurs regardless of the physical decisions we have made– or even where our hearts have been.

When we define purity by “patting ourselves on the back” for what we haven’t done –or beating ourselves up for what we have done –we forget that it, like salvation, comes through Christ – we can’t earn it – it is accomplished only by His power.

Romans 8: 1-2 says, “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus,2because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death.”

In Christ, we have true freedom – including the freedom to pursue purity regardless of our pasts. We don’t need to walk in guilt, because we have already been forgiven.

C. Outward Purity

Once we make the inward commitment to purity, then it flows to making outward choices that radiate the inner.

To the woman walking in purity, the inward and outward are one. She sets her mind on Christ not just through the channels we often think of – prayer, reading and memorizing Scripture, and fellowship with other Christians – but does so with the intent to be pure in all she does. She asks God, as I open my heart to you, help me make decisions that honor you not just as it relates to sex, but everything I do. She is always striving, with His Strength, to reach new heights in her relationship with God.

When it comes to relationships with men, a woman living purity does not cross lines, cut corners or ride edges. She never asks the question, “how far can I go physically and still be called ‘pure?’” A woman living pure doesn’t have to figure out whether oral sex is intercourse, because she’s not having it anyway. She doesn’t worry about whether it’s okay for her to take off her blouse when she’s with him, or for him to reach under there, because she’s not interested in giving any of herself to anyone – except The One – no matter how small. She's not interested in flaunting her body, because she's not looking for male attention - nor does she gain her confidence from wearing little. She flees even the appearance of evil.

A woman living in purity does ask, how much can I save? She’s willing to make commitments that the world says are stupid or unrealistic, like not kissing in relationship, for example – not because she gets supposed brownie points with God – she doesn’t, but so her evaluation of the guy she's dating isn’t clouded by the physical. So she doesn’t take her focus away from the God says she loves so much – so she doesn’t sin against Him. So she can save her best for God’s best – single or married. So she can pursue holiness.

II. WHY DO I PURSUE IT?

I have chosen to pursue purity because I believe that it is a key aspect of growing in my relationship with God – especially as a young woman. And the Word of God teaches me that I should be pursuing it right now. The Apostle Paul constantly exhorted Timothy, a young pastor of the church in Ephesus, to devote himself to purity: In 1 Timothy 4:12 he said– “Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity.”

Sex drives so much of our culture, especially as young women, but we’re called to be driven by pursuing Christ. When I give God my whole self – my heart, my mind, my body – my being – I present myself as the living sacrifice to which I am called to be in Christ.

III. HOW DO I PURSUE IT?

The greatest lesson I am learning about purity right now is that if God is not the first love of my life – I cannot love anyone – a man or otherwise – the way I want to. Without constant pursuit of Him, I fall short in my love for others.

As it relates to men, The Apostle Paul also has given governing advice that I follow. In 1 Timothy 5: 1-2, he admonished Timothy: “Treat younger men as brothers, 2older women as mothers, and younger women as sisters, with absolute purity.” I have learned the importance of treating all Siblings in Christ of the opposite sex as I would my brothers, even a love interest. I strive to be most concerned with their spiritual health rather than my own desires. I watch how I dress and interact with them. I also guard my romantic emotion for when love fully awakens.

Our world tells us that freedom comes through “experimenting,” sexual or otherwise. Our God tells us that freedom is in pursuing His commands, set out in His Word. I am 28, living purity, and, as we say in an organization promoting purity that I belong to, “I am worth the Wait!” Through pursuing purity, I am living the abundant life Jesus intends for me. And I am truly free.

For The Revolution,

Seyi

Love is Not Jealous or Arrogant

I’m passing on the last two weeks of the “Love Revolution” Series. Last week’s was on love not being jealous. Today was about love not being boastful or arrogant (1 Corinthians 13:4). I think both messages have been powerful looks at the issues. I’ll be doing a separate entry on love not being jealous, but here are the insightful messages on jealousy and arrogance…

Love is Kind

This week the message from my church’s “Love Revolution” Series was on love being kind (1 Corinthians 13:4). For me the part that stood out most was when kindness was defined from the Greek. It was described as “to show oneself mild,” derived from another word that means “to be useful in the form of benevolence or [doing] good deeds for people.” It also was described as the kind of love that “moves itself to action, not just being happy or smiling.”

The descriptions were such a good reminder that Love should be viewed as a verb – something we express by doing rather than just saying. As Romans 5: 8 points out, God’s love for us was demonstrated with the act of sending His son to die for us. He didn’t just say He loved us – He showed us. In 1 John 3, verse 18, we are admonished: “let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth.”

Further, in many ways kindness relates to giving. Like giving, it must be unconditional. It is a disposition that exudes love tangibly.

Words can be very easy to utter, but actions, much more costly. Let’s not just pay lip service to love, but instead let it flow from what we do. After all, He, the Ultimate Example of Love, is proactive with His. Here’s the Love Revolution Message on Kindness.

Giving

“Each man should give what he has decided in his heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.” ~ 2 Corinthians 9:7

If I created a list of the Top Ten Verses God has used to impact my life the most consistently (which I probably will do at some point:)), 2 Corinthians 9:7 would be on it. It summarizes so beautifully how we are to approach all aspects of giving.

Learning The Verse

I remember 2 Corinthians 9:7 being a memory verse in early elementary school that stayed with me. My teacher reiterated that we should give whatever we have – a little or more – from our hearts, without complaint.

I’ve also watched my parents model this verse so well. Unfortunately, in our world giving is marked with so many conditions. Yet if we gave from our hearts, without reservation, we’d experience God’s amazing intent for us – and our world – in giving.

There are several principles on giving derived from 2 Corinthians 9 and others’ examples that God has really used in my own life that I will share.

Giving Should Not Be About What We Have

If we look at giving from God’s perspective, it begins with a willing heart. However, many people think it starts with what you possess. We often think that we cannot give – in time, talents, money or otherwise – if we have what we perceive as very little. But the problem is that getting more does not cure the lack of a heart to give. Even if we gain more resources but have “poor” attitudes toward giving, our gains will still result in stinginess, or giving reluctantly or under compulsion. And when we give out of obligation, or not at all, God is not pleased.

Second Corinthians 9: 6, 8-11 highlights that when we give out of our hearts, and generously – God blesses our giving. At the same time, those who give reluctantly will not see boon from giving:

6Remember this: Whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows generously will also reap generously.

8And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work. 9As it is written:

"He has scattered abroad his gifts to the poor;
his righteousness endures forever."

10Now he who supplies seed to the sower and bread for food will also supply and increase your store of seed and will enlarge the harvest of your righteousness.

11You will be made rich in every way so that you can be generous on every occasion, and through us your generosity will result in thanksgiving to God.

Some of us are waiting to get more before we give more, missing the fact that when we give, even in want, God, The Giver of All Good and Perfect Things, takes care of the getting. This is all the more reason our hearts should be sincerely open to giving regardless of our circumstances.

Giving Should Not Be About Convenience Or What We Can Get

This principle is related to the first. However, I separate the two because at times we may give in a way that seems generous outwardly but still be motivated– in whole or part – by self. For example, we might give for recognition, an opportunity for more wealth in the future – or to earn someone’s affection. Unfortunately, our society breeds this kind of giving in several ways, the most prominent in my mind relating to giving for financial gain in the form of a tax break.

Tax–Exempt Status?

Many people are motivated to give more generously because it will profit their bottom line at the end of the year. While I do not think it is necessarily wrong to consider whether an organization has 501(c)(3) status in giving, being motivated by financial gain – or even the dual rationale of helping an organization while also helping ourselves – can often disregard the fact that God may call us to generosity where no financial benefit is involved.

For example, a friend may need help with moving expenses. Someone we know might have an unexpectedly large hospital bill not covered by insurance, and we’re in a position to help. Or, a donation may be required for a special gift for a close friend celebrating a milestone. If we give monetarily only when it gets us a financial reward, in those instances we may give less than what God intends – and miss out on being used by Him to benefit someone else.

God’s call for us to generosity is not limited by a tax break – so we shouldn’t be, either.

Giving Should Not Be An Exercise In Counting

Regarding the idea of not giving reluctantly, another negative way of giving is keeping score of our gifts. Keeping count means marking – mentally or otherwise –the fact that we gave to use it against someone later, intentionally or unintentionally. This often happens when we give under mistaken expectations, or where we felt obligated to give despite the fact that we did not really want to – or where we were actually unable to.

Examples: We signed up to be on a committee that we thought would involve “x” number of hours, but it’s really taking up more time than expected. We let someone charge something on our credit card, and now it’s due and we have to pay for it. Or we gave something to someone close to us, but only so they would leave us alone in the future – but they’re asking us for more again.

In considering what it means to be a cheerful giver – even in the circumstances described – the dictionary is helpful:

Giving (Verb): “to present voluntarily and without expecting compensation”

Gift (Noun):

“something given voluntarily without payment in return, as to show favor toward someone, honor an occasion, or make a gesture of assistance.”

“something bestowed or acquired without any particular effort by the recipient or without its being earned”

Note the words in bold. Because giving, monetarily or otherwise, is defined as a voluntary exercise, it is to be undertaken that way. I have a motto derived from 2 Corinthians 9:7: “when I give, I forfeit my right to complain about it.”

Someone didn’t appreciate my gift? Well, I chose to give it to them. They had the chance to get me something in a similar situation, and gave me nothing? I’ve already lost my right to whine about it. Someone tries to ask me for more, on top of what I gave, when they don’t deserve it? So what, the gift was undeserved – and I do not have to give another. If I am to give cheerfully, whole-heartedly, as God requires – I must always give without reservation.

Some may protest this motto. But an important note is that 2 Corinthians 9:7 should also make us more thoughtful about our giving.

Giving Wisely

Whenever I am in a situation where I am about to give something that is particularly costly, in time, money or otherwise, I ask myself, “will I have a grudge against someone if the gift is not accepted – or returned – the way I desire?” If the answer is yes or maybe, I pray for God to search my motive for the reservation. If the motivation is selfish, God shows me that, and I am able to correct the behavior and give freely, despite my initial reservation. If there is a legitimate reason not to give, however, I choose not to rather than complain later.

Regarding choosing not to give, saying no in some instances is important so that we can give freely in instances when we should give. One of my favorite verses is Proverbs 4:23. I’ll provide it in several versions:

Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life. (NIV)

Keep your heart with all diligence, for out of it spring the issues of life. (NKJV)

Watch over your heart with all diligence, for from it flow the springs of life. (NASB)

Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life. (NLT)

In the context of giving this verse is important because we are to do so from our hearts, the seat of our emotion. When we give grudgingly, it impacts our hearts and thus, our ability to give as God intends. As a result, we must avoid giving in circumstances where it cannot be heartfelt.

Some instances where we may choose not to give? One, when we do not have the resources. We may have $1100, and need all but 100 of those dollars for rent – yet someone tells us they need $800. Or someone wants you to co sign on a loan on which you would not have the ability to pay if that person defaulted. In those instances saying no is not necessarily about being stingy, but managing responsibilities we already have, also for God’s glory. This may result in painful confrontations with even close friends or family members, but I believe it is better to set those boundaries so that we can give in other areas that God intends.

Granted, there are times when God may call us to give out of what we do not have, but in those instances He, as Jehovah Jireh, will provide. Some of the most amazing stories of God’s provision that I hear are when people honor their commitment to tithe despite the fact that they may have had bills that left them short on meeting living expenses. Or when God calls someone to go on a mission’s trip that costs thousands of dollars they don’t have, but end up being able to raise the money just before the trip. When we follow God in giving even when resources are unseen, He honors us.

A final principle related to avoiding giving anything grudgingly that can be useful is, when given the option, choosing to give people things rather than loan them. In a way, even a loan involves the “gift” of temporary ownership. Maybe giving rather than loaning may mean we provide someone a less costly but still useful item than if we had loaned it, or a more costly one that is still within our ability to give. Why? Sometimes we loan people things more freely than we would give and, as a result, hold grudges when people do not give them back. As most of us know, very often, things that are loaned are never returned. When something is transferred as a complete gift, however, we can often be more intentional and heartfelt about what we provide others – without counting the cost.

However, sometimes the better – and perhaps even the more selfless – thing to do is loan someone something, but even the loan must be done with a giving spirit. Additionally, when we loan others things, when necessary we also must set clear boundaries for how they are used, but with love. In short, nothing should steal our hearts of joy in giving!

Other Thoughts On Giving

Discernment in Responses To Giving

Another area requiring discernment in giving is instances where we are willing and able to give– but the recipient – or others, have an issue with our giving. Because we live in a world where free, heartfelt giving is often unusual, people may not want to accept gifts because they think they are too much, or, for whatever reason, they know they are unable to “pay” you back for the gift - as they see it. Or someone may send you the message that what you have done for them is not enough – now or ever. Or even, a gift causes a stir you didn’t expect among others who did not receive it – jealously or otherwise. In such instances, we still have to keep our giving pure despite the response.

Further, at times we may have to stop giving where serious discord results; as gifts are not required, there is no obligation to continue giving them. At the same time, God may call us to still give despite negative responses that may even seem to cause more harm than good. We should follow Him even in those instances, as we are to please God in giving, not people!

Why We Give

Ultimately, giving freely is part of being a fully devoted follower of Christ. The last few verses of the section on giving in 2 Corinthians 9, verses 12 – 15, explain how we honor God publicly with our giving:

12This service that you perform is not only supplying the needs of God's people but is also overflowing in many expressions of thanks to God.

13Because of the service by which you have proved yourselves, men will praise God for the obedience that accompanies your confession of the gospel of Christ, and for your generosity in sharing with them and with everyone else.

14And in their prayers for you their hearts will go out to you, because of the surpassing grace God has given you.

15Thanks be to God for his indescribable gift!

We cannot forget that He gave us the ultimate, “indescribable” gift by shedding His blood to give us life. The only way fitting to accept the gift that cannot be repaid is to offer Him our resurces – our very lives.

REVOLUTION

I believe that every aspect of walking with Jesus comes back to Revolution. When we are totally devoted to God, without compromise, in everything we live for Him in a way that stands out in this world – including in our giving – for His glory.

I think some churches need to preach a little less Malachi 3:10 and a lot more 2 Corinthians 9:7. Because giving is a discipleship matter (i.e., about following Christ completely), when we preach discipleship, we preach biblical concepts such as tithing. Also, the more we follow God, simply because we love Him, the more we practice the guidance given in His Word. That’s how our churches – and our communities as a whole – will flourish.

My prayer is that we give freely, without reluctance – because God loves it.

Love is Patient

I’m passing on messages from my church’s “Love Revolution” series, during which we’re looking at the characteristics of unconditional, agape love described in 1 Corinthians 13: 4-7.

I was really convicted by yesterday’s message on the loving attribute of patience – for me, in the context of friendship. One of the main texts was 1 Thessalonians 5: 14-15:

14We urge you, brethren, admonish the unruly, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with everyone. 15See that no one repays another with evil for evil, but always seek after that which is good for one another and for all people. (NASB)

Here’s the passage in the NIV:

14And we urge you, brothers, warn those who are idle, encourage the timid, help the weak, be patient with everyone. 15Make sure that nobody pays back wrong for wrong, but always try to be kind to each other and to everyone else. (NIV)

For each category of person listed in verse 14 and enumerated in the message: The Unruly, The Fainthearted and The Weak (NASB), I thought of at least one friend I could be more patient with – in speech, attitude or action. As I’ve said before, patience is not a virtue even remotely natural for me. But it’s also the area God works on in me the most.

One of the reasons we should be patient that is addressed in the message is the fact that God is so patient with us. I am always reminded of Psalm 103: 8-10:

8 The LORD is compassionate and gracious,
slow to anger, abounding in love.
9 He will not always accuse,
nor will he harbor his anger forever;
10 he does not treat us as our sins deserve
or repay us according to our iniquities.

God’s patience leaves us no excuse but to show love by being patient with others.

To quote the message, because God is longsuffering with you, for those in your life who continue to “test” your patience, "please continue to hold." Here’s a link to the message...happy listening!

Love Note

As I’ve been sharing, recently God has been teaching me about love in several ways – some of them unexpected. The latest relates to a Larry King Live interview with Jenny McCarthy that I caught late last week. She was promoting her new book, “Love, Lust and Faking It: The Naked Truth about Sex, Lies, And True Romance,” about her “lessons” on romantic love. Her musings exemplified the “Hollywood” Model from the book “Love, Sex and Lasting Relationships” that I recently discussed. It was yet another reminder of God’s definition of love being so different from ours.

While I won’t be reading McCarthy's book, I think her Larry King interview is worth watching (or reading here– so far I’ve only been able to find the transcript online). It sums up the societal messages we get about love: a nugget of value here and there, but, ultimately, no Truth about love as God defines it - and outright lies. For example, she describes love as “an energy.” She also mentions that people must be “complete” or “whole” and “love [themselves] before [they] can love others.”

In listening to the interview I was reminded how we as Christians often eat up books such as McCarthy’s. Sure, we make some distinctions between such advice and God’s way. For example, we might ignore thoughts in a book about when the right time is to sleep with your “partner” in an unmarried relationship. But we’ll allow other elements of the message to shape our conception of love. For example, we run with half-truths such as “you need to be complete before you can love someone else,” as McCarthy says. But as the Apostle Paul describes in Philippians 3: 7-14, our lives in Christ are about much more than “wholeness,” as we are to abandon everything to press toward becoming more like Christ daily.

While it may not necessarily be "wrong" to read McCarthy’s book or others about the world’s views on love, the reality is we know that message very well. Spending excessive time poring over the societal model is like overloading on junk food - at the expense of getting proper spiritual nutrition.

We devote far too little time to seeking an understanding of love God’s way. And we must be constantly reminded that It is so different from our own, as Isaiah 55: 8-9 underscores:

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,"
declares the LORD.
"As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.

Even the very best of the world’s realizations about love are far beneath the understanding we get from meditating on His word.

Instead of spending time and money on cheap, worldly literature on love, I think we can really gain from reading Christian titles on the topic that are steeped in scripture. Ultimately, we have to weigh everything against God’s Word, but books on Christ-centered, authentic love are a great way to get us meditating on God's Word.

Recently I’ve been exploring titles by couple Eric and Leslie Ludy that discuss living completely for Christ and, as such, practicing authentic love. They write to men or women individually and together. What I really like about the books is their confrontation of Christians allowing societal norms to govern their thinking rather than God’s Word, and how to truly fix our eyes on Christ no matter what other Christians following society may think.

Two titles by Leslie Ludy that I'm working on are “Set-Apart Femininity: God’s Sacred Intent for Every Young Woman” and the sequel, “Answering the Guy Questions: The Set-Apart Girl’s Guide to Relating to the Opposite Sex.”

A title from Eric Ludy for men is “God’s Gift to Women: Discovering the Lost Greatness of Masculinity” (on “Warrior-Poet Manhood”).

The Ludys have several other titles. To some their writings about living for Christ may seem “extreme,” but devotion to God is truly an extreme, radical endeavor requiring absolute holiness. That's The Truth that so many Christians miss.

The world’s message on love is a dime a dozen – we can get it on any street corner. As followers of Christ, let’s raise the standard by living according to His Word - and stoke the flames of a Love Revolution.