The wedding was beautiful! By far the best moment – one the entire church cheered – was the couple’s very first kiss, which happened when they were pronounced husband and wife (they didn't announce it as their inaugural lip lock, but we all knew the story)! I am praying Dr. Lindsay and Gareth – now Mr. and Mrs. Gareth Warren – had not just a wonderful night (wink!), but also have a fun, amazing life serving God together. I am sobered by the words of The Apostle Paul in 1 Thessalonians 4:3-7:
“3It is God's will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; 4that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, 5not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God; 6and that in this matter no one should wrong his brother or take advantage of him. The Lord will punish men for all such sins, as we have already told you and warned you. 7For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life.”As I’ve said many times, living purity is about so much more than avoiding sex. It is about breathing, walking, discerning - God’s plans for our lives. The pursuit is essential to a deep, daily journey with Christ.
I can think of no better way to commemorate this joyous occasion here than to ponder the meaning of purity – probably not afresh, as I hit the topic often, but anew as a chance to be reminded of what it means to live it. Below is text I prepared for a ladies’ gathering on purity this summer. I only informally shared the words, but I will formally now. The questions addressed were 1) What Is Purity; 2) Why Do I Pursue It and 3) How Do I Pursue It? I emphasized the first question: "What is Purity?”
Considering my story, I am humbled by God’s love, power and forgiveness. Just this week I randomly clicked on a blog entry from 2007, during which I “debated” whether to get my first purity ring. In the entry I also shared my feelings of discomfort about discussing my pursuit of purity, one reason fear of others’ reactions. Honestly, I had no recollection of ever having said that (how quickly we forget thangs! But for His mercy...)! My position then – compared to now - really highlights just how much God has grown me. Now I am so burdened to live purity that I cannot keep the pursuit to myself!
I can say, honestly, that joining The Revolution without reservation has allowed me to see God constantly refine me as I learn the meaning of "putting to death" the most earthly, selfish desires for sanctified, heavenly ones. To all those who are part of the Purity Revolution – and future members - who pursue God’s will that we learn to control our bodies, holy and honorably, this open letter of reflection is to encourage you in this Highest of callings…
I. WHAT IS PURITY?
A. Purity Starts with the Heart ("Inward Purity")
When I’m asked “what is purity?” my literary training immediately makes me think I need to provide a neat, Webster-like definition. One denotation our society – including Christians, tends to use, is, of course, someone who has never had sex.
But even this generally accepted definition can raise questions. For example, what if you’ve had oral sex, but not “direct” intercourse? Forgive me if I sound crass, but this is the kind of debate we get into when we define purity based on the world’s standards. When we turn to God’s Word, however, it has a much clearer – and deeper – meaning with more rich descriptions than Webster can fit for any one word.
Purity is, first of all, a heart condition. Although it does require refraining from some physical activities - including sex, oral or otherwise, it also means adopting a particular lifestyle. The Psalmist addresses the holistic nature of purity in Psalm 119: 9 -11:
“How can a young man keep his way pure? By living according to your Word. I seek you with all my heart, do not let me stray from your commands. I have hidden your word in my heart, that I might not sin against God.”By living as Christ commands, we learn how to have pure hearts. Proverbs 4 calls the heart the wellspring of life – the seat of our emotion from which all other aspects of our lives flow. The Bible also says what is in our hearts is reflected in our thoughts. Proverbs 23 says that we are what we think in our hearts.
Whether we are pure from the heart is related to what we fill our minds with. We can fail to live purity by our thoughts alone. Maybe we are consumed with fantasizing about how we can get sexual pleasure. Or maybe the only reason we’re not having sex outside God’s boundaries of marriage is because the right guy – or any guy – hasn’t come along.
We also cannot be pure from the heart if we are filled with bitterness or anger about romantic love - or anything else. Maybe we are not having sex or anything like it, but we are so discontent about not having a man – or disillusioned by the whole love thing – that we resent God.
A woman with a pure heart learns to be hopeful – free from the world’s cynicism or distortions about sex or love. Purity recognizes that God has the power to accomplish anything in love and marriage regardless of what society focuses on - the ratio of single men to women; the divorce rate; how many people around her are in relationships while she is single. She also doesn’t see sex as “dirty,” but recognizes that God made it to be a wonderful, fascinating and free experience within the bounds of a marriage orchestrated by God.
B. Calling All
If purity starts from the heart, then no one is disqualified from it based on having made certain outward decisions, including having had sex. Just as when we pray to ask Jesus to save us from sin we are given new life in Christ, so when we choose purity a rebirth from within occurs regardless of the physical decisions we have made– or even where our hearts have been.
When we define purity by “patting ourselves on the back” for what we haven’t done –or beating ourselves up for what we have done –we forget that it, like salvation, comes through Christ – we can’t earn it – it is accomplished only by His power.
Romans 8: 1-2 says, “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus,2because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death.”
In Christ, we have true freedom – including the freedom to pursue purity regardless of our pasts. We don’t need to walk in guilt, because we have already been forgiven.
C. Outward Purity
Once we make the inward commitment to purity, then it flows to making outward choices that radiate the inner.
To the woman walking in purity, the inward and outward are one. She sets her mind on Christ not just through the channels we often think of – prayer, reading and memorizing Scripture, and fellowship with other Christians – but does so with the intent to be pure in all she does. She asks God, as I open my heart to you, help me make decisions that honor you not just as it relates to sex, but everything I do. She is always striving, with His Strength, to reach new heights in her relationship with God.
When it comes to relationships with men, a woman living purity does not cross lines, cut corners or ride edges. She never asks the question, “how far can I go physically and still be called ‘pure?’” A woman living pure doesn’t have to figure out whether oral sex is intercourse, because she’s not having it anyway. She doesn’t worry about whether it’s okay for her to take off her blouse when she’s with him, or for him to reach under there, because she’s not interested in giving any of herself to anyone – except The One – no matter how small. She's not interested in flaunting her body, because she's not looking for male attention - nor does she gain her confidence from wearing little. She flees even the appearance of evil.
A woman living in purity does ask, how much can I save? She’s willing to make commitments that the world says are stupid or unrealistic, like not kissing in relationship, for example – not because she gets supposed brownie points with God – she doesn’t, but so her evaluation of the guy she's dating isn’t clouded by the physical. So she doesn’t take her focus away from the God says she loves so much – so she doesn’t sin against Him. So she can save her best for God’s best – single or married. So she can pursue holiness.
II. WHY DO I PURSUE IT?
I have chosen to pursue purity because I believe that it is a key aspect of growing in my relationship with God – especially as a young woman. And the Word of God teaches me that I should be pursuing it right now. The Apostle Paul constantly exhorted Timothy, a young pastor of the church in Ephesus, to devote himself to purity: In 1 Timothy 4:12 he said– “Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity.”
Sex drives so much of our culture, especially as young women, but we’re called to be driven by pursuing Christ. When I give God my whole self – my heart, my mind, my body – my being – I present myself as the living sacrifice to which I am called to be in Christ.
III. HOW DO I PURSUE IT?
The greatest lesson I am learning about purity right now is that if God is not the first love of my life – I cannot love anyone – a man or otherwise – the way I want to. Without constant pursuit of Him, I fall short in my love for others.
As it relates to men, The Apostle Paul also has given governing advice that I follow. In 1 Timothy 5: 1-2, he admonished Timothy: “Treat younger men as brothers, 2older women as mothers, and younger women as sisters, with absolute purity.” I have learned the importance of treating all Siblings in Christ of the opposite sex as I would my brothers, even a love interest. I strive to be most concerned with their spiritual health rather than my own desires. I watch how I dress and interact with them. I also guard my romantic emotion for when love fully awakens.
Our world tells us that freedom comes through “experimenting,” sexual or otherwise. Our God tells us that freedom is in pursuing His commands, set out in His Word. I am 28, living purity, and, as we say in an organization promoting purity that I belong to, “I am worth the Wait!” Through pursuing purity, I am living the abundant life Jesus intends for me. And I am truly free.
For The Revolution,
Seyi
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