You're Kidding

One of my favorite phrases is “You have got to be kidding me.” Of course, the proper usage of the expression is “You’re kidding,” but I like to add the “got to be” for emphasis. For me, it’s an all-purpose phrase: I use it when I'm both shocked and angry; when I’m surprised and excited at the same time.

Last week I had the ultimate “You have got to be kidding me” moment at the mall. For the last couple weeks, I’ve had my hair cornrowed up, away from my face. I haven’t worn it like that in years, so it’s gotten a lot of attention (I have a cut-it-or-don’t-do-it philosophy, and I’ve chosen the don’t do it option, so braids are my best friend). It was a particularly bad time to be at the mall because all the little high school kids were prom shopping. I walked into an accessory store to get some clips. One of the employees, 15 (by her admission), walked over to the area I was standing.

“Do you need help shopping for the prom?” she asked.
“Excuse me?” I replied, looking around to make sure she wasn’t looking past me. She wasn’t.
“I’m not in high school…” I began.
“You’re not?” she cut in incredulously.
“No,” I replied, trying my best not to be nasty. “I’m actually past high school and college.”
“Oh, I am sooooo sorry," she said, apparently embarrassed. However, I questioned her sincerity when she kept repeating, “but you look sooooooooo young.”

If that were not enough, less than five minutes later, some kid asked me if I go to his high school.

I will concede I've been told I look younger than my age many times, but not high-school young. Perhaps if I were, I don’t know, like, two decades older, I could have given those kids a little giggle, placed a hand on their arms and said something like “ooohhh, thank you.” But at my age, it is downright insulting. You have got to be kidding me.