A couple years ago I blogged about how I was thinking of getting my first purity ring, and I did. But I had no idea that in the months—and years—after that God would challenge me to make a much bolder commitment to Him in the area than I had envisioned.
My commitment, as it stood when I purchased the ring in March 2007, was pretty much that I would continue not to have sex and, in a relationship, set “clear, serious” physical boundaries —and stick to them. I hadn’t made a complete list of all the “Don’ts,” but I still had a sense of what acts to avoid in order to stay focused on Christ and not have sex—or anything close to it.
I really thought my commitment was good enough—and that I didn’t have that much to learn about what purity meant. Don’t misunderstand me; I know that any choice to walk in it comes only by God’s grace and strength, and without Him I will fail. But that was it: I thought that as long as I sought Him in the commitment I had already made, I would be perfectly fine.
But then God really started to convict me about whether I was “holding out” on Him. I use “holding out” because it's also used as a defense for giving someone your body (e.g., don’t “hold out” on me). But if all of me belongs to Christ--including my body-- I can also "hold out" by not giving Him all of it.
What was I convicted about? Generally, it was committing not to do some of the physical things in a relationship that we tend to call casual or insignificant, such as a kiss. But I don’t think I need to share the complete list of areas God spoke to me about in order to illustrate my point. In fact, as I’ve said before, listing “don’ts” often detracts from what should be the real focus of a purity commitment: following His leading completely—whatever He asks. However, commitments we make to God (in any area) can end up, directly or indirectly, being more about how “good” we’re doing as compared to society rather than whether we’re truly doing all He’s told us to.
My Hope
I have a passion—a prayer—that more of my peers: young, single followers of Christ, will make so-called “radical, counter-cultural” purity commitments at His leading that go far beyond just “not having sex.” But first, we have to put aside all the doubts, fears and excuses. Just a few that are often given, and a verse to counter each:
1. “I don’t have that kind of willpower.”
No one does, and it’s not about us: 2 Peter 1: 3-4- “His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness.” My strength will only take me so far; His never fails.
2. “Why would I even want to do that?”
Because God’s blessings are always infinitely greater than anything we can even dream of: 1 Corinthians 2: 9—“However, as it is written: "No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him." However we choose to bless ourselves without Him may seem great, but the fact is, even our best self-made blessings cause us to miss out on so much. Of course, choosing purity shouldn’t be only about what we'll get from God, but His Word is clear that He wants to bless us—and is The Giver of All Good Things, so only with Him do we experience true blessing. And being totally committed to purity is one amazing way that leads to blessing.
3. “You don’t know what I’ve already done."
There is always forgiveness in Christ. There is no better example than the Apostle Paul, who had a “rocky past" —from a human perspective, much worse than most of ours. Yet he could confidently say, in Romans 8: 1-2 (and elsewhere in his letters): “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death.” Paul is a shining example that it’s not about where you’ve been, but where you’re going.
Guilt over the past and comparing ourselves to others who have or haven’t had sex—and judging people either way— are just a couple weapons the enemy uses to keep us from moving forward in the area of purity. We may all have past instances of compromise, but in Christ, compromise never has to be the end of any of our stories. If Paul had dwelt on the past, he never would have been excellent for Christ.
Further, choosing purity isn’t just about sacrifice—it’s also about getting life-saving guidance. When we set clear boundaries, we have a roadmap—something to lead us in our goals. No one takes a class with no teacher, textbook or some other learning materials (or if we do, we get little or nothing out of it). Likewise, when we define what purity means, it’s much easier to live it! None of us is superhuman; it’s not like the only thing that can keep us from crossing lines we later regret is kryptonite. But when we choose to run from anything that even looks suspect (e.g., putting ourselves in situations where we’re tempted to go farther than we should), we can actually do what we say we believe. I know in this walk, I need all the help I can get!
I also know it’s easy to quote verses, but life can make it hard to apply them. For me, the greatest daily challenge to maintaining purity is my thoughts. Worry and fear cloud my mind when I get distracted.
But the answer to walking in purity still comes from those verses—written promises—that God has given us as we wait for His best in relationships. Whenever I meditate on them, I am reminded that trusting Him—which requires acting—is the most profitable thing I can do, because He has promised never to disappoint me. God’s promises are life. It also helps to have encouragement from others who are choosing purity, too (shout out to The Movement:))!
Scripture is clear that God wants our very best. 1 Corinthians 12: 31b, the last verse in the chapter and the one that sets up the next, famous one on “Love" (1 Corinthians 13), says: “And now I will show you the most excellent way.” Love is about excellence. And because waiting is about love, it’s about excellence, too.
