Perseverance in Love

Love is never just bliss.

Even Song of Songs, in its celebration of pure, romantic love, touches a somber reality: the potential for inevitable conflict to upset a couple’s felicity. And the moral of this aspect of the story is in how the couple deal with it rightly—keeping their relationship firmly intact.

The “Foxes” and Desire
Chapter 2: 14-17

Discussion of discord begins pretty early in the book. Near the end of Chapter Two, as the couple plot their countryside getaway (which occurs right after the first reference not to awaken or arouse love), the Lover (or, by some interpretations, the Beloved,) says amid their elation: “Catch for us the foxes, the little foxes that ruin the vineyards, our vineyards are in bloom” (v. 15). Generally, as the verse says, foxes were known for destroying crops. However, given the context it is not believed they are talking about literal foxes and vineyards, but instead “metaphorically for some problems in their relationship” Deere, pg. 1015 (The Bible Knowledge Commentary). Commentators have surmised on the couple’s conflicts:

The foxes represent as many obstacles or temptations as have plagued lovers through the centuries. Perhaps it is the fox of uncontrolled desire which drives a wedge of guilt between a couple. Perhaps it is the fox of mistrust and jealousy which breaks the bond of love. Or it may be the fox of selfishness and pride which refuses to let one acknowledge his fault to another. Or it may be an unforgiving spirit which will not accept the apology of another. These foxes have been ruining vineyards for years and the end of their work is not in sight Deere, pg. 1016 (quoting S. Craig Glickman, A Song for Lovers, pg. 49 – 50).

Whatever the problems, however, the couple were still deeply committed to each other. In the following verse, the Beloved says, “My lover is mine and I am his” (v. 16a). The next verse is said to be the Beloved expressing a desire to be sexually intimate with her Lover, and was probably made to herself, as a soliloquy (flashback to literature class!): “Until the day breaks and the shadows flee, turn, my lover, and be like a gazelle or like a young stag on the rugged hills” (v. 17). She is probably wishing for the intimacy to last all night (“until the day breaks and the shadows flee”) and that her lover would be like the “gazelle or young stag” on the “rugged hills.” The “rugged hills” are often believed to be a reference to her breasts Deere, pg. 1016 (clever use of imagery and metaphor—another one for Lit class!). Despite the desire to be with her lover physically, at this point the couple still use restraint in their relationship by not having sex before their wedding Deere, pg. 1016.

I think it is interesting that the desire for physical intimacy—but the couple not acting on it— is expressed right after a discussion of conflict, especially at this point in their relationship. One obvious observation is that it is an indicator their love is stronger than any conflict. But further, I think it speaks to the practical, essential relationship skills that come with reserving sex for marriage. Through waiting, the couple deepened their devotion to each other—they learned they couldn’t just give into their whim—even if they really wanted to at the moment. If they had a problem, they had to work on it – without bringing sex into the picture (how often is sex—or other forms of physicality—used as a weapon or a means of avoidance!) That tenacity in purity is the same the couple would apply in marriage to overcome disagreements, the worries of life and other “foxes” along their love journey. Perseverance in purity is a practice with discernable dividends!

Beloved’s Dream of Love Lost
Chapter 3: 1-4

Perhaps a “fox” that could have crept into the relationship is doubt, which is addressed right after the Beloved’s “rugged hills” soliloquy, at the beginning of chapter 3 (although there is no such direct reference for doubt as a “fox”—but I think a valid tie-in linking this passage to the conflict theme that can be supported given the proximity of this section to the “foxes” verse).

After their getaway, which concludes in chapter 2, the couple part, going back to their own homes. In Chapter 3: 1- 4, Beloved has a dream that she looks for “the one her heart loves,” but is unable to find him (v. 1). She goes through the city searching for him, even asking watchmen who guard the city if they have seen him. They cannot help her (v. 3).

When she finally does find him, verse four gives her account: “I held him and would not let go till I had brought him to my mother’s house, to the room of the one who conceived me” (v. 4). The commentary explains the dream well: “When a person loves another deeply, it is natural to fear losing him or her. In her dream she lost her lover and sought to find him. The repeated expression of ‘the one my heart loves’ (once in each of these four verses) revealed the depth of her love…” Further, she took him back to her mother’s house, the place where, at this point, she feels the most security— where she had been conceived Deere, 1016. But note – no sex!

On Fear

I also find it noteworthy that Beloved’s fear of losing her Lover is mentioned at this point, somewhat far along in their relationship--courtship. The fear is not defined; it does not say what could make her lose him. Surmising, it could be fear of circumstances out of their control, such as death, or perhaps trepidation that, for some reason, the wonderful bond of love they have could be broken. Whatever it is, it is still present well into their relationship—and overcoming it drives Beloved to seek assurance that love is not lost –reassurance from her Lover himself, and in a place of security, her mother’s home.

I also think it is worth mentioning again that Beloved speaks of this fear rather than the Lover. Granted, as the commentary points out, fear of losing a lover is something both men and women experience. But in light of previous discussions about a man making a woman secure about his love, and the need for women especially to guard their hearts given what we (women) tend to sacrifice when we do not, I also think it can be another reminder for a man that if this fear can exist later in a relationship, it can most assuredly be present earlier—and prevent a couple from getting close to one another. While earlier in a relationship neither party can give an assurance of “forever,” it is useful for the man, under the “security” umbrella, to show a commitment to developing the relationship at least in the short term, as God leads (and she should also—but I think he should take the lead).

Further, even as both male and female guard their hearts early on, there is a need to do so without putting up walls that block a couple from openness. Personally, I think that’s a challenging line to walk—on the one hand, there are no guarantees that opening up to someone else will bring love—but without openness, there is no potential for love, at God’s direction, to be cultivated. In short—we can’t protect ourselves from all feelings of hurt or heartbreak, but I think that as we approach the potential for godly romantic love with faith, He’ll give us the wisdom—and confidence— to navigate those situations. But developing love—and maintaining it—is work!

“Foxes” in Matrimony

The Conflict
Chapter 5: 2-4

The book also shows the couple were tested in marriage. In chapter five, after the “honeymoon” (which I will hit in the next entry), they settle into life as one, with its challenges. Chapters Five and Six describe a dream Beloved had about a disagreement between the couple—and their make-up. The commentary I have been using for the book describes the “problem,” verses 5: 2-8, as “the wife’s indifference, the husband’s absence” Deere, pg. 1020. Beloved is in their bedroom alone, and the Lover comes knocking on their locked bedroom door late, at night (v. 2).

But her response is not of the “young stag or gazelle on a rugged hill” variety of Chapter 2: 17 (sorry—couldn’t resist!). Instead, she is annoyed, not wanting to get it. She says, “I have taken off my robe, must I put it on again? I have washed my feet—must I soil them again?” (5:3).

As stated, the passage is a dream, and not much, if anything, is said about why the couple had the dispute, so I do not want to guess too much. But, given what has already been discussed, it would not a stretch to say that the Lover’s absence and late return could have had something to do with Beloved’s chill response to her husband’s request—perhaps she had expected him sooner.

Whatever her resistance, however, she eventually gives in and attempts to open the door for her Lover. In verse four, she describes: “my lover thrust his hand through the latch-opening; my heart began to pound for him.” This is one of those verses that you may have heard interpreted very differently—in the “young stag” vein—okay, that was the last time—but apparently, the reference can very well be interpreted literally rather than figuratively: “the Hebrew expression translated my heart began to pound for him is used elsewhere to express pity or compassion…not to express sexual arousal as some scholars have maintained” Deere, 1020 (note: for what it is worth, the commentary I’m using was written by Dallas Theological Seminary faculty, although denomination—including the lack of it— often does not appear to determine how this book is interpreted, at least not in my limited study). From that perspective, here the Lover makes a hurried effort to open the door (i.e., the literal door), but is unsuccessful.

By the time the Beloved gets up to unlock it, however, her Lover is gone! Verse five says that when Beloved touched the door handle it was covered in myrrh, a fragrance then associated with lovemaking. The Lover very well could have put it there “as a token affection for his Beloved...wanting more than relief from the discomfort of the night air” (Deere, pg. 1020- 1021). Perhaps he, too, had become angry at her hesitance and needed time to cool off, but the passage does not say that—and, in fact, the Lover does not speak again until Chapter 6:4, when the couple reconcile.

The Separation
Chapter 5: 5-16

The sequence that follows further shows the couple’s love was greater than any disagreement. After the Beloved realizes her Lover has gone, she tries to find him. In fact, as she looks she is beaten by night watchmen patrolling the city (v. 7), who mistake her for a criminal Deere, pg. 1021. Again, the reference can be interpreted as a need for security from her Lover, and her pain without him.

But Beloved does not stop her search there. She asks her friends, the Daughters of Jerusalem (as mentioned in the last entry, they were probably female inhabitants of the city), to help her find him. She also says in the second part of verse eight that if they find him, they should tell him that she is “faint with love”—a return to language she used earlier in their relationship, at least once (see Chapter 2: 3 – “Strengthen me with raisins, refresh me with apples, for I am faint with love.”)

The Friends’ reply gives the Beloved a chance to express why she loves her Lover so. They ask her in verse nine: “How is your beloved better than others, most beautiful of women? How is your beloved better than others, that you charge us so?”

The response is a flurry of praise for her Lover, from verses 10-16, highlighting her attraction to both his appearance and character. She begins, “my lover is radiant and ruddy” (i.e., dark and handsome; a physical reference), “outstanding among ten thousand” a reference to his character) (v. 10). She ends the praise for her lover beautifully in verse 16: “His mouth is sweetness itself; he is altogether lovely. This is my lover, this is my friend, O daughters of Jerusalem.”

Renewal
Chapter 6

Here, the couple finally reunite. At this point, Beloved knows to find him in his garden, where spices and lilies grow (v. 2). The commentary explains the reference indicates “their separation was more in the emotional realm than in the spatial, for she had apparently always known his whereabouts” Deere, pg. 1021. Further, spring time was the setting in which their love initially blossomed, so the nod to the garden also can be seen as “springtime” in their hearts—a revival of their love.

Their reencounter does not begin with them rehashing the argument, trying to decide who was right or wrong. Instead, it starts with mutual praise. Deere, pg. 1021. Beloved says she is her Lover’s and he, hers (6:3). The Lover also showers Beloved with praise for her beauty and character, even giving her some of the same compliments about her appearance that he did on their wedding night (v. 4-9).

Verses 11-12 near concludes the couple’s reconciliation with a lament referencing their return to spring. The Lover (or Beloved), says: “I went down to the grove of nut trees to look at the new growth in the valley; to see if the vines had budded or the pomegranates were in bloom. Before I realized it, my desire set me among the royal chariots of my people.” Although verse 12 (“Before I realized it…my people”) is considered “one of the most difficult verses in the Bible to interpret” because it can be translated many different ways in the Hebrew (speaking of romance, lol), whatever it means, the Lover is expressing how he is still enamored by his long-time woman, who, as translated from Hebrew, “enraptures” him (or he her). Deere, pg. 1021. Call this conclusion tacky, but I cannot resist this one either:

The foxes have fallen, and Love has scored!

Withstanding the Winds: The Biblical Definition of Love

How do we know if someone really loves us, romantically, or that we love another?

That question reminds me of Cher’s “Shoop Shoop Song,” otherwise known as “It’s in His Kiss” (we used to sing it at sleepovers in middle or high school): that you know whether a man loves you not from his embrace, looking into his eyes, his charm—or even his actions—it’s all about that mouth-to-mouth connection!

Amusing or not, we kind of do like to answer that question based on the “intangibles,” not the practical. We want to be with that person who makes us feel a certain way—not necessarily the person who does the right things. And we often do not evaluate our own love for someone else based on the tangible.

Despite the fact that appraising love by the unseen (i.e., feelings), is not completely meritless—I think the “intangibles” can play some role in the analysis (but although I like that Cher song, I can’t co sign on the kissing factor; I think it’s more like, love me so well without kissing me so when we do eventually kiss, i.e, down the road, your love will be so good there’s no way the kiss could be bad—take that, lol)—those unseen factors should not be the foundation for deciding whether love exists.

A "Corinthians” Love

That famous passage on love, 1 Corinthians 13, is a much better, sustainable measure—the best, the “most excellent way” (1 Cor. 12: 31b) . Verses four through seven are especially key. I’ll state the attributes, verse by verse, line by line, so they are not missed:

4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.

5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

None of us, on our own, possess all these characteristics. Sure, we can check off a few of them, but having each one—in romantic (and other) relationships—takes work, spiritual grit! As Song of Songs indicates, the couple possessed them. And for any love to last, they must be present—in both people. Further, to possess them we must be willing to practice them daily. I believe in praying these verses—and checking my motives based on them. They are so powerful, challenging —and handy!

Love is not just a “warm fuzzy feeling” that we get when a certain somebody enters the room. It must also be a job—a commitment to another that involves relentless work. A big part of how you know someone loves you (or that you love another) is not by necessarily getting all these things right all the time (no one can), but by having enough connection to another to make godly love the constant relationship aim. It’s also the way that a couple can avoid ”falling out of love”—i.e, "out of sacrifice," for each other, not allowing conflict to overtake devotion.

Romantic love flourishes when the one—and the other—make the selfless Corinthians commitment—and keep it. And we must always remember that there is The One, The Only, who fulfills His promise of love to us everyday—and has since before the beginning of time. Love that draws from Him can only be vibrant and renewed— go the distance—sunrise to sunset; in springtime and winter.

WAIT FOR LOVE

“Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you by the gazelles and by the does of the field: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.”

You can’t hurry love: Diana Ross sang those words, but they capture the meaning of the refrain repeated a few times in Song of Songs: “Love cannot be forced, and it must be patiently waited for.” “Songs of Songs” by Jack S. Deer, The Bible Knowledge Commentary: Old Testament, pg. 1015 (1983).

I have to confess that I was getting so excited about discussing this verse primarily in the context of sexual purity. It’s no secret I’m passionate about the message—and this verse is often used as a warning to save sex for matrimony. Although this point is still relevant and will be addressed, a closer reading of the references show the statement can be interpreted as an even more holistic charge to approach every aspect of love with patience.

Each time the statement is made by Beloved. The “Daughters of Jerusalem” are probably the female inhabitants of the city. Deer, pg. 1012. Beloved appears to be speaking as a somewhat older woman talking to younger ones, or to those not necessarily younger, but who have not yet experienced true love. Use of “by the does and gazelles of the field” is an ode to graceful animals that likely would have been referenced if the Beloved and Lover were literally in a field, or if the Beloved were thinking of one. The scene of these animals frolicking in an open space conjures up whimsical images of love in a warm, sunny season, like spring time (not in a snowy winter—lol!).

This refrain is repeated three times in the Book: Chapter 2 verse 4; Chapter 3 verse 5; Chapter 8 verse 4. It also is said that, in addition to seeing the refrain as a plea to wait for love, Beloved meant it as “a reminder to all those desiring a love like the one she and the [Lover] had to wait [diligently] for God to bring it in their lives.” Deer, pg. 1015. Further, it has been explained that each reference occurs “as a structural indicator to mark the ending of one section and to introduce the next one.” Deer, pg. 1015. We’ll look at the context for each reference.

Chapter Two, Verse 4

The first reference, where we last left off, was said by the Beloved after praising her Lover and expressing how he made her feel secure. In the verse directly before the first charge, verse three, she says, “His left arm is under my head, and his right arm embraces me.” Then, the words: “Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you by the gazelles and by the does of the field: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.” In that context, the refrain can be seen as an uttering of delight given the comfort she feels with her Lover. She essentially tells the daughters that they too can experience the kind of love she has, but they must wait for it. And it is worth it— she’s savoring the moment!

After the statement, the transition involves the Beloved and the Lover going away together. In verse five, the Lover comes to pick her up. Seeing him from a distance, she says with glee in verse eight, “Listen! My Lover! Look! Here he comes, leaping across the mountains, bounding over the hills.” A couple verses later, the Lover says to Beloved, “Arise, my darling, and come with me” (v. 9). He makes almost the same request in verse 13b: “Arise, come, my darling, my beautiful one, and come with me.” In verses 11-12a he describes what appears to be, again, spring time: “the winter is past” (v. 11); flowers are in bloom (v. 12) and trees are beginning to bear fruit (v. 13). The excitement they both display about going away together also indicates that it is a blissful time in their relationship that both treasure. By some interpretations, they are in courtship. Deer, pgs. 1014-1015. The Beloved and the Lover have waited for Love, and it has come!

Chapter 3, verse 5

The next reference to the refrain comes after what appears to be a dream Beloved has in which she fears losing her Lover. It will be addressed in more detail in the next entry. But the refrain (“Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you by the gazelles and by the does of the field: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires") occurs right before what could be the couple’s wedding, which, by that interpretation, runs from Chapter 3 verse six through Chapter 5 verse 1. Deer, pg. 1015. By waiting for love, the Beloved and the Lover are not only able to overcome doubts about the relationship, but also see it reach a new height. And so she urges the Daughters of Jerusalem to wait for love!

Chapter 8, verse 4

Before the last use of the refrain, in the final chapter of the book, the Beloved is expressing a longing for an even greater intimacy with her Lover —seeking their love to reach yet another plane even after their union. She again speaks of the security of her Lover: “His left arm is under my head and his right arm embraces me” (verse 3). The verses that follow are an expression of the blessing their love has brought them over time. Deer, pgs. 1023-1024. And the way the Book ends in the last chapter also is worth waiting until the end of the series to discuss.

On the Refrain

I think the refrain is such a good reminder. I love that it is addressed to the Daughters of Jerusalem, and probably means only women (as opposed to “daughters” meaning all inhabitants, male and female). I think women tend to struggle way more with hurrying love. We express dreams of it much more often than men do—many of us from childhood, with our dress-up clothes and bridal gown cutouts. And as we grow older, the rush to hurry love comes with a price—giving away our bodies, our hearts —our dreams—for someone not so willing to sacrifice the same.

We also allow society to hurry love for us. Sometimes it’s family members—a mother wondering when she’ll get those grandkids; friends who have already tied the knot urging the same; the notion of the “biological clock” ticking.

But whatever the challenge, we must understand that when we do not wait for love, we cannot have what we even desired in the first place. Proverbs 14:12 says, “There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end leads to death.” How many times have we, male and female, rushed love (through sex, emotions, or both)—only to be momentarily satisfied, but have lasting heartbreak? Love is an area we crash in a lot. But when we wait patiently, for His love, He protects us from burn! Also, thank God He is forviging when we do stray, but we still have to face the consequences of our decision to rush love--ones that He wanted to protect us from!

No Awakening or Arousal

The verse also points out that waiting for love involves avoiding both awakening or arousing it.

Relevant definitions of “awake” are “to wake up; arouse from sleep” and "to come or bring to an awareness; become cognizant.” The connotation of those definitions is a forced one—i.e., unearthing something manually. From that perspective, “awaken” in the passage can be viewed as “unearthing” love by forcing the wrong relationship (with the wrong person), at the wrong time—in attempt to create love.

Here, however, “arouse” seems to have a different connotation—one of taking an existing foundation for love that is proper, but putting it in the wrong context. A definition of arouse is “to stir to action or strong response; excite.” Using that denotation, love can be improperly “aroused” by perhaps being with a person who God provides, but making decisions in the relationship before marriage that do not honor him.

Considering both of these definitions, waiting patiently for love is twofold: 1) not just waiting for the right man or woman but, 2) when that person does come, allowing God to write your love story in His timing—not ours (never read the book linked to, but love the title!)

I also think the refrain is a reminder for men to be sensitive to women’s desire for love, protecting and nurturing it at God’s leading. In my past reads of this book, I never really noticed how much more the Beloved expresses her musings about love as compared to her Lover. The Lover is of course an integral part of the book, but most of his role is to reinforce Beloved, as he does in the first chapter discussed in the previous (blog) entry, and throughout the book. And if you just flip through Song of Songs, you will find Beloved speaks way more. And when the Lover is most vocal, it is in Chapter four, which is often interpreted as their wedding night (we’ll get to that). At each point in the book, he is reassuring her—she takes her cues about their love from his words and actions. So when Beloved urges the daughters of Jerusalem three times not to arouse love, she’s speaking from the experience of having what the women dream of—with a man who really took the time to cultivate a lasting love with her.

Ladies, men who God brings our way must be willing to unlock love in the same manner as the Lover. Too often men feel that a woman guarding her heart necessarily means rejection. But a man who wants to do love God’s way must be assured that, if He is acting at God’s leading, in time love will blossom. And, on the other hand, the woman also must wait for it to blossom—not give it away prematurely. Looking back after love has been timely awakened, the couple will thank each other, as the Lover and Beloved do—and see God bring more boon to their love!

Conclusion

I love the reminder from the refrain, “Don’t awaken or arouse love until it so desires.” Ultimately, God wants us all to have a healthy view of love. Too often, because of our past decisions and the poor examples of love we see around us, we become disheartened by it. But that is not in God’s design for us. Love patiently waited for reaps a wonderful harvest that pleases God. Yes, Our Creator is a Love God, and as they say, a "Sex God" who delights in love making as he intended it—in marriage! Even if you see no examples of pure, righteous love around you, you have His Word. So let’s love Love—and not be disheartened by the wait. It will be worth it!

Ecclesiastes (which was probably written by the man who probably wrote Song of Songs, King Solomon), Chapter 3, verse 11, says: “He has made everything beautiful in his time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end.”

We may think waiting for love is an eternity—but guess what? Eternity is in His hands, and within them the power to create for us romantic love that lasts. From that perspective, we just have to wait a moment.

Unleashing The Song of Love

Prologue

As I begin looking at Song of Songs this month I have to say that my talk on this book will only be a nod to justice—there’s so much imagery, metaphors, themes, etc., to pull from it that I can’t cover everything—and, frankly, would need way more study to be able to understand and touch it all anyway. But I’ll make as many observations as I can about the book as a picture of the kind of romantic love that God delights in.

Diving In

From the moment Song of Songs begins, the reader is swept into a vibrant love narrative. The entire book, eight chapters, involves dialogue between the “Lover,” a man, and “Beloved,” a woman. At times “Friends” also weigh in. The intro to the Book in my Bible sums it up as a “Storybook romance and steamy dialogue between two God-fearing, passionate lovers” (New Women’s Devotional Bible, New International Version, Zondervan, 2006).

And you can feel that passion. In verse 2, “Beloved,” the woman, opens the dialogue by saying of her Lover: “Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth—for your love is more delightful than wine.” Reading the first chapter and the first several verses of the second, Chapters 1- 2: 1-6, two themes in the section touch me about the couple: 1) the mutual intensity of their love and 2) that their love makes the Beloved feel especially secure.

Mutual Intensity of Affection

Although I see the Beloved’s security playing more prominently in this passage than the “intensity” theme, I’m going to start with intensity because I think it’s part of the foundation for her security in the relationship. From Chapter 1: 9 - Chapter 2:2, the two alternate voicing their affection.

Lover
Chapter 1: 9-11; 15; 17; 2:2

The Lover begins this section of exchanges by complimenting the Beloved. He likens her to a horse fit for a king (v. 9)—essentially, that she is classy; says that he likes her style (v. 10--her jewelry makes her cheek and neck look beautiful). He also says that he is willing to invest in her appearance by making her “earrings of gold, studded with silver.” Further, in verse 15 he declares her beauty.

But he talks about more than just her physical appearance and how he plans to enhance it. He also speaks of their relationship as steady and enduring. He declares in verse 17 that “the beams” of their house are “cedars,” and their “rafters are firs.” Per the commentary, cedar was then seen as a strong, durable type of wood used to build palatial structures such as temples. Fir was a wood pleasing in sight and smell. Even if he may have been talking about a literal building, seeing the reference in the context of their relationship could lead to an interpretation that he is speaking about the health of their relationship. From that perspective, he’s saying their relationship is solid, sweet and that he stands behind it. Further, he notes no woman compares to his Beloved, she is “like a lily among thorns” (2:2).

Beloved
Chapter 1: 2-3; 14, 16; 2:3

The Beloved has her own way of describing their relationship that also esteems both him and their love. As noted, in verse two she says his love is “more delightful than wine.” Beloved also says he smells nice, and that his name—character, is at least as wonderful as his smell—if not more so (v. 3). Further, in verse 12 she states that his presence turns her on (“while the king was at his table, my perfume spread its fragrance”). Beloved also notes that her Lover is pleasant, like myrrh on her body. Further, she says he is classy, handsome and charming—and, as the Lover also said, no one compares to him (v. 14, 16, 2: 3)

She also refers to the quality of their relationship, which, in context, can be seen as “verdant,” or vibrant (v. 16) (although subsequent chapters talk about them not “awakening love” until the right moment, so the reference is probably not sexual). Either way, she, like her Lover, has full confidence in their love!

Beloved’s Security
Chapter 1: 3-8; Chapter 2: 3-6

I want to spend more time talking about Beloved’s security in her Lover’s affection—a theme that hit me as one of the most important aspects of the passage. In the same opening section where she compliments his love being “more delightful than wine” and his scent and name being like perfume, she also declares, twice, “No wonder the maidens love you!” (v. 3-4). She isn’t the least bit jealous or disdainful with that statement—she sees it as yet another reason to love him! She is sure of his love for her, and he makes her feel that she is the only woman for him—despite the fact that other women surround them. As a result, she has no problem acknowledging that these women see his value, too!

In subsequent verses the Beloved clues us in on why she feels secure in his love. One reason is that she is comfortable being with him, and the context shows that he receives her as she is. In chapter 1 verses 4-6 she talks of being “dark yet lovely,” explaining that she is sun burnt from working long hours in the vineyard (not a natural darkness; as is often pointed out, the reference is not racial) (also, she still has confidence in her own beauty despite her insecurity; noting in verse 5 that she is still lovely).

Any feelings of personal insecurity she has, however, do not extend to her feelings about their relationship. After explaining her appearance, she quickly moves to asking where her lover “rests his sheep,” wondering “why she should be like a veiled woman beside the flocks of” his friends (v. 7). A shepherd, we know, guides the sheep, giving them nothing to fear. Likewise, here she feels comfortable associating with him “as she is,” and being near his friends—she sees no reason to be “veiled” in their presence. I think other observations can be made from this dialogue, but in the context of the security theme, with him she is free to be herself—and she wants to be around him. That says a lot! Further, her friends encourage her to find him, and graze her own “young goats” where he is (v. 8). (also note: one commentary explained the use of "flocks" as a metaphor referring to Christ’s relationship "shepherding" the church—although it was an older commentary, and some newer ones point out that, generally, this comparison is problematic because it is unsupported by the plain text: “though [imagery in the book] does serve as a wonderful picture of God’s relationship to Israel and Christ’s relationship to the church, there are no clues within the book itself to support such a reading. In the last analysis, one’s interpretation of this book should come from within the book itself, and preferably from the clues given the author by himself.” NIV Compact Bible Commentary,” by John H. Sailhamer, page 359, 1994. Again, I will try not to get bogged down in the debate, but I found that comment particularly relevant!)

There also is further discussion of her finding relationship security by her Lover’s actions. In Chapter 2, verse 3, Beloved says she “delight[s] to sit in his shade.” She further explains that “He has taken [her] to the banquet hall, and his banner over [her] is love.” A banquet hall is generally filled with people having a big, special feast. He guides her there, and showers her with love, publicly. And she responds favorably—asking that he give her food, “strengthen her with apples,” because she is “faint with love” (2:5).

Further, there is talk of him making her feel physical security as well. In verse six she says, “his left arm is under my head, and his right arm embraces me.” But in the very next verse comes the refrain that is found a few times throughout the book: “Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you by the gazelles and by the doves of the field: do not arouse love until it desires” (2:7). Next time, we’ll pick up the story there.

Thoughts on the Chapter

The first chapter already says so much about true love—and I was only able to hit a couple relevant points! One is that true love is reciprocated. The Lover and the Beloved are equally enamored by each other physically, personally and emotionally. And the entire story speaks to their spiritual connection (which I did not touch much here—but likely will throughout).

The way the lovers talk about each other also seems to indicate they’ve had to travel some miles to feel—and express—their love so openly. But at this point it is deep, particularly the extent of the Beloved’s assurance of her Lover’s affection. While both feel a sense of security in the relationship, the Beloved expresses that security different from the Lover—and seems to rely on it more than he. The Lover can assert that their “house,” which could be interpeted as a reference not necessarily just to a building, but also their love, is built, over time, of cedar. But he doesn’t speak of being led by her, assured of his desirability to her or being held by her as reasons for feeling secure. By contrast, Beloved makes these references in the context of security many times; for example, when she expresses security in seeking after him as he tends flocks (1:7); having him take her to the banquet hall (2:4); him holding her (2:6).

I believe firmly that, even today, the key to a woman’s heart (if other elements are met, such as emotional, physical and spiritual connections) is making her feel secure. This should not be a security about how she looks or who she is (although he can reinforce her worth, she should possess that on her own already; even as the passage points out, the Beloved could acknowledge her physical insecurities, but still call herself lovely--pointing out her value aside from her relationship with her lover). Instead, it’s an assurance that makes her confident about his love. For the Beloved that required (and still does) that the Lover show gentle leadership in a variety of ways, from his words to his actions. And his expressions give her the confidence to be open about her love—and give the same sense of security to him--albeit in a different form.

In Christian circles, there’s so much discussion about how a godly romance should be initiated—especially how a man should approach a woman (or, at times, vice versa-a debate which I blogged about a couple years ago). I think sometimes we just need to press pause and take a closer look at what God has already said about how romantic love should be initiated and expressed—not only for the answer to a question, but also to grasp a deeper understanding of His brand of love--the only that truly lasts.

The first chapter of Song of Songs is only the beginning of a book that provides a snapshot of what heavenly love on earth looks like. Let’s really ruminate on it…

Up Next: Before “Love” Awakens…

Love Talk, The Beginning

I love February. I have a very personal reason, of course:), but even putting that aside, it’s got that holiday inspiring both awe and angst: Valentine’s Day. Yes, friends, February is all about luuuvvv—or the lack of it.

On the "awe" side," we hear so many cute stories about romantic love stemming from February 14. An atmosphere of affection is promoted, leading men especially to catch an unusual kind of romantic wind that results in heart-warming tales of love confessions and proposals (although personally, I think the proposals go better with warm weather and gardens in full bloom). But either way, the month often leaves hearts aflutter.

This month, I want to do another series, and this time, I want to tackle love. As you’re probably well aware, the Word of God has its own love story, too. Actually, it is more than just a story—it’s a love manual: Song of Songs. And this month, it will be my muse--excuse me, The Muse.

Until about last year, Song of Songs was one of those books of the Bible I had never really spent much time in.

My earliest memories of the it are from somewhere in the middle of elementary school, when prepubescent guys at my Christian school realized that vivid descriptions of breasts and other female parts could be found there (rather than just magazines they had swiped from girls). They shared this revelation with everyone, of course pointing out that they were merely "studying the Word," as we had been so instructed.

When I got a little older I also read through it a couple times on my own, in high school then college, but I didn't use any study guides—or hear any full-fledged sermons on the book really dissecting it. Then last year a couple sermon series on it made me really see a picture of the kind of love so many chase but never find. But, of course, it’s described in His Word.

Following the messages I’ve wanted to reread the book on my own. Now, in the “Love Month,” is the perfect time!

Depending on your familiarity with Song of Songs, you might know there is a lot of disagreement about the context and interpretation of the book. Some say it is the literal love story (in poetry) of King Solomon and the Shulammite woman, who is at least mentioned in chapter 6, verse 13, of the book. Others say that is preposterous; there are no two central characters; it’s a collection of poems—connected or not—literal or not—that may—or may not— be talking about certain real--or perhaps fictitious—people. There’s even more to the debate, but the point is that I don’t plan to engage in it here.

What fascinates me about the book, however, is that regardless of where people come out after endless exegesis, the practical applications of it, in my experience, always ends up being the same. I don’t know many other books of the Bible that have that result—if any.

As I read, I’m going to write about the descriptions of love, mostly in a romantic context, that strike me about the book. I’ll also try to avoid too much textual analysis and talk instead about love the feeling—that must be anchored in substance, as defined by God’s Word—but still engenders feeling nonetheless.

Welcome to the Love Talk. I think it’ll be fun!

Every Opportunity (Words, Conclusion)

The title: I’ve used those words before, but had no better heading to close this series. It describes how followers of Christ are to take all chances to let our language show our light.

Too often, aware or unaware, we act as though faith is simply a “personal” thing—like it’s just between us and God. But the Word of God is clear that the “inward” faith we have is supposed to reflect an “outward,” distinguishable reality that is public. The topics touched--not swearing and keeping our word; using encouraging words; avoiding angry words; and sharing The Good News—are just a few examples of how our words are to glow.

Most importantly, in our memory should be that, at God’s leading, our words can move someone else from a grave end to a glorious, new beginning in Christ. The passage from the intro, Colossians 4: 5-6, is a good summary: “5Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity. 6Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.”

We really do have a world where people are watching. And we can probably provide our own examples of someone letting us know so. When our words are constantly full of grace--building up rather than tearing down; loving rather than hateful; measured instead of rash, we are sowing eternal seeds that benefit "outsiders"--and the Body as well!

I've listened to two great messages recently about the importance of particularly using words to "represent" our faith.

Analogizing from the football season and the upcoming Superbowl, at my church we're doing a series on being a "Die-Hard Fan" of God. One message on sharing our faith in word (and in deed) really hit me. I'll paraphrase a key comment (in quotes) "when our light hits the room, it's literally supposed to expose darkness.” Are our lights doing that?

A message from another pastor talked about the importance of telling people by our words and actions that Christianity isn't for any one type of person. He touched some of the false perceptions about the faith. Again paraphrasing, he said, "it's not a southern 'Bible Belt' thing; a western thing or a certain political party thing."

We need to let people in all different circles, of all shades and stripes, know the life-changing power our faith is supposed to bring. And we've been shown the method and manner to manifest it. And it begins with a desire to be like Him. I'll let His words in 1 Peter 3:15 close:

“But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect.”

Words, Conclusion.