STOP AND LISTEN (Words, Part 3)

"19 My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, 20 for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires." ~James 1: 19-20

I don’t usually start with a verse, but these sum up so well this entry on words—highlighting the need for us to measure our words—even when we get heated.

This passage is a challenge for me. Naturally, I ain’t slow to do hardly anything. Most things I want done now, a few things needed to be done yesterday. I’m also terrible at hiding my responses to things I dislike (and when I try to, I’m usually unsuccessful). Finally, I tend to be a stickler for accuracy. I can’t stand when people get the facts wrong or mischaracterize situations or intentions. I place a premium not so much on being right, but on being understood and treated fairly. When I perceive things are being handled wrong, I get on defense.

In the context of this passage, my “speedy” traits make me quick to speak (i.e., explain or clarify the situation) and quick to get heated (‘cause I can’t believe someone would say “x” cra-zy thing). I liken my anger “style” to a balloon—when it pops, it’s like, really sudden and loud, but if you blink—you might miss it. In other words, I’m a softie, but in the first couple minutes after you say something to make me mad—or right after I start talking about an incident that prompted anger— watch out.

Dealing with Anger

When I got in trouble for my anger growing up, often my dad would repeat some portion of James 1: 19-20 to me—and slowly. It went a little something like this:

“My girl, be sloooowwww to spea-k. Sloooowww to become an-gry.”

I used to get mad just off how slowly he said those words!

James 1: 19-20

But really pay attention to the passage—in fact, “take note” (v. 19). We are to be:

1. Quick to listen...(v.19)

The only time “hurriedness” is urged in the text is in being quiet—listening. A denotation of listen is “to give attention with the ear; attend closely for the purpose of hearing; give ear.” In other words, when we’re “listening” to someone, we have to become occupied with their words. That means we have to put aside other distractions—including our anger. And we are to do so speedily. Further, when we do listen to others’ perspectives we often find where our thoughts went wrong—and our wrong assumptions give way to right understanding. And even when we’re "right," the time taken to pause often makes us realize that the situation isn’t nearly as serious as we thought it in our anger!

2. Slow to speak and slow to become angry…(v.19)

While in order to listen we have to “dial in,” in our speech and anger we have to “tone down.” Again, turning to some definitions of slow:

moving or proceeding with little or less than usual speed or velocity

taking or requiring a comparatively long time for completion

requiring or taking a long time for growing, changing, or occurring; gradual

When we “take time” before speaking or becoming angry, we’re choosing to be deliberately more cautious—much less cautious than we should be in deciding to listen—and we’re giving ourselves “a long time” to gradually respond. The result should be that what we don’t end up saying that angry comment we may have wanted to initially, and that we have room to change our mind about being angry—or that we don’t get angry at all. That sounds like a good plan to me!

3. for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires. (v.20)

I think the rationale in verse 20 for being “quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry” is the best part of the passage. To live out the righteous life we’re called to, we have to be free from our brand of anger—which contradicts with God’s desire for us to live righteously. And what does this “righteousness” God wants look like? There are so many rich passages that detail it. Some of them:

That our attitudes be like His—selfless

That we love one another

That we walk in His light and have fellowship with each other

That we walk humbly, and closely, with Him

That we live holy, through Him

That our lives bring Him glory

Yes, the righteousness that He desires for us is so deep! And when we get angry, it causes us to miss the picture that is to be our singular, life goal as Christians. We can’t let anger fog up our vision!

Today

The last few years I’ve been learning to respond to situations that I perceive "unfair" a lot better. If I do get angry, those deep breaths are certainly helpful (two of them usually do the trick:)). But more importantly, the more I walk with God, the less I find myself responding that way (but of course it’s a process—ask me about my mixed response to a bizarre incident last Sunday). I think a way to measure our spiritual growth is not by how often we do the “good” things that are "naturally"-or have become-part of our character, but how much progress we make in exhibiting the "fruits” that are not.

Let’s not allow anger—or anything else—to keep us from the righteousness that God envisions for us—and that we should strive for as well. When we’re tempted to jump the gun on our speech in anger, instead we should be quick to stop...and listen.