I used to have this rule that I think originated around middle school: Short shorts were fine—even good— but booty shorts were bad. How one would distinguish "short" from "booty" was quite obvious to me: Short shorts completely covered the butt and stretched about two or three inches onto the thigh. Booty shorts, on the other hand, exposed the back side in some form. That was a no-no.
I thought my rule genius. In fact, I had several friends who shared it, and we defended it with dogma (as long as our parents weren't around. Their presence would result in some kind of temporary modification of dress, such as a roll down of the pant leg to slightly below mid thigh).
But my “precedent” of sorts would be decisively overturned the summer after my freshman year of college. It was a sweltering July day and I was heading to my car upon leaving my on-campus job. I was walking along an edge of campus that was pretty quiet that time of year, save cars passing through on the way to the center of the university.
I cannot forget what I wore that day: “cute” little jean shorts and a plain, sleeveless pink tank top. I rounded the outfit off with matching pink, foam-wedged flip-flops. As I clicked and flopped my way to the car, daydreaming, with nary a soul in sight, I was suddenly interrupted by sounds that weren’t just in my head. And they were loud sounds. Someone, a male, passing by in a small red clunker honked his horn and yelled something I never heard. Then another car, and another male, did the same. And another. And at least one more. I do not know how many cars there were in all, but there was a band of them, each influenced by the last. At least one of them said an audible word (which I will not repeat) clarifying, if there was any doubt, that the obscenities they yelled were directed at me.
I remember feeling so low – ashamed, like an object. I had heard catcalling, at me or someone else, before, but in my memory I had never been singled out that way.
It also was the first time that I had really stopped to consider that, perhaps, what I wore was sending a message that could contribute to the negative attention. While I knew to avoid extremes in dress and maintain some form of decency –by most standards I was by no means walking around “naked” or “half naked” – I had not thought I bore any responsibility in my dress beyond that.
But in my heart, “deep down”—if you will—I knew that I was not completely comfortable with short shorts—especially as I neared, and crossed over, into adulthood. And those times I sneaked out of the house so my parents could not see what I was wearing – or left with some cover up that I took off once I was out of their sight —had on some level been not just a desire to avoid getting caught, but also moments of realization that I had willfully shrugged off.
The Dress Debate
I know my story probably prompts many different reactions. Some may be matter of fact – “of course what you wear sends a message; why would you ever wear short shorts?” or perhaps disagreement: “men are perverts; they always stare at women, how is that your fault?” Or, maybe, “you can wear anything you want as long as you feel classy in it – the person makes the clothes.” But whatever your position, as Christians at the heart of our evaluation of what is appropriate to wear should not be public opinion--negative or positive--but the standard set in God’s Word. While the Bible may not state in inches how long a pair of shorts should be or how tight a top can fit, its guidance on how we are to determine our dress can be applied to individual outfits.
I Peter 3
In I Peter 3: 3-5a (the full passage is on wives submitting to husbands, which is for another time) the Apostle Peter addresses women, saying: “3Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. 4Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. 5 For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful.”
The passage isn’t a railing against braids, jewelry and nice clothes. The examples were actually a contextual reference to what was fashionable at that time. But either way, the verse does not state “do not wear” braids, jewelry and fine clothes (for example, as one pastor put it, “there are more seductive hairstyles than braids.” Thank God, lol!). Rather, that “your beauty should not come from” –or be derived from –those things. It should be determined by “the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight” (v. 4). In other words, our self confidence, our value, our worth – is not to be decided by our appearance. The best thing about us, ladies – and men – isn’t supposed to be what we look like, but who were are in Christ. And in Peter’s charge to women in this passage that definition should include a “gentle and quiet spirit,” which honors God and lasts far longer than anything we can dress up on the outside.
“Gentle and Quiet Spirit”
I had a conversation at a gathering of ladies earlier this week about the meaning of “a gentle and quiet spirit.” The temptation is to interpret it as a stereotypical “gentle, quiet woman” who says very little, and, if anything, “yes,” and talks in a really soft voice. However, a key word in the verse is “spirit.” The denotation of spirit is “an individual as characterized by a given attitude, disposition, character, action, etc.” This could include the stereotypically gentle “person,” but it also could refer to a person who exhibits a certain “attitude” or response to situations. One commentary refers to it here as an “adornment” of that spirit. The Bible Knowledge Commentary: New Testament, 848 (2004).
While there are instances as women when submission, in marriage or other areas God has defined, calls for literal quietness or gentleness, and perhaps the “gentle and quiet” person may be more amenable to that, this passage really is focusing on an attitude wives are called to exhibit regardless of personality. A “gentle and quiet” person can “gently and quietly” show hostility where grace should be shown; likewise, a woman who may be “loud and harsh” can develop a “gentle and quiet” attitude that leads her to show mercy and love where she would have given wrath.
We also need to remember, ladies, that God gave all of us our personalities—even the “loud” and “harsh” among us. He does not necessarily tell us to totally rid ourselves of them—He only wants to develop in us the the fruit of His Spirit that all who believe are called to exhibit irrespective of personality – for our spiritual growth – and His ultimate glory.
I Timothy 4: 7-8; 11-13; 15-16
The pursuit of “inner” beauty can be summed up in one word: “godliness.” I love how Paul explains this in I Timothy 4, which I think gives a good metaphor for the subordinate relationship that our pursuit of outer beauty should have in comparison to the quest for inner:
“7Have nothing to do with godless myths and old wives' tales; rather, train yourself to be godly. 8For physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come.Verse 8 says, so beautifully, that devoting ourselves to pursuit of the physical—in this case exercise— however beneficial, is inferior to a pursuit of "godliness," which has eternal worth: “8For physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come.” Note however, that the passage does not dismiss physical training – i.e., it has “some value,” but ultimately not nearly as much as spiritual “exercise.” While time at the gym; skin treatments; clothing and make-up purchases are not necessarily wrong, they must not be remotely as important to us as the pursuit of godliness. I’ll also revisit some of the activities Paul discusses as part of godly pursuit:
11Command and teach these things. 12Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity. 13Until I come, devote yourself to the public reading of Scripture, to preaching and to teaching.
15Be diligent in these matters; give yourself wholly to them, so that everyone may see your progress. 16Watch your life and doctrine closely. Persevere in them, because if you do, you will save both yourself and your hearers.
• Showing leadership in:
-Speech (e.g., using kind and encouraging words)
-Life (what you spend your time doing; e.g., service and fellowship
with other believers)
-Love (your attitude toward all)
-Faith (pursuing personal growth)
-Purity (can’t hear it enough!)
(v. 8)
• Devotion to the study of God’s Word, personally and publicly (e.g., quiet time; Bible study or small group), and further, to the right kind of doctrine, or teaching (v. 15-16)
God in Clothing
As we pursue godliness, we also learn to discern what it means for our dress. This certainly is an area where Christians often disagree. On one end of the spectrum are those who advocate covering self from head to toe in loose clothing. On the other end are ones who, like me before, never really thought much about the impact of clothing and wear anything they feel is fine, drawing whatever boundary based on their sense of what works.
I think I fall somewhere in the middle now. Since the “honking” incident I have learned the value of setting clearer boundaries in my dress and really consider the Spirit’s leading in my clothing choices. But I also have not been convicted that I cannot wear any clothing that shows shape (e.g., baby tees or leggings) or some body parts such as the lower leg, shoulders and arms. However, I am careful about not wearing anything too tight and keeping areas such as my stomach and chest covered. I also watch the length of skirts or dresses (the shortest I like to go now with those is just above the knee).
For a time I stopped wearing shorts all together, but my motivation was strictly wanting to avoid another traumatic experience rather than my convictions. Now that I am over it I will wear either capris that fall at or below the knee or shorts that extend several inches down the thigh (i.e., nowhere near “short” or “booty”).
A somewhat “hard” line that I have set is that I do not wear bathing suits without cover ups because I have been convicted that most, one or two piece, show too much skin, be it chest, the full stomach or thighs. Again, I do believe there is some room for difference among Christians – some may disagree with my boundaries – but ultimately our standards should be set in considering all godliness!
It also is very important to me now that my mother okay every single outfit I purchase. I know God has done some work in me over the years, because as a teenager I would have been extremely opposed to that idea – I was too grown for that! However, now I see much more the value of her godly wisdom, especially in this area. She knows we have totally different styles, but is still able to evaluate my clothing with fairness but honesty.
This isn’t to say my mom and I automatically agree on every outfit, but whenever there are points of disagreement, these days minor, I keep the outfit only if I can get her to agree (a big point of contention is her basic belief that any skirt or dress just above the knee could result in someone seeing my underwear if, for whatever reason, I am forced to “bend down.” I politely explain to my mother, however many times necessary, that there are several inches between the bottom of my thigh—whatever the scientific name—and my bottom, so I am easily in the clear on that concern. And just to satisfy her I will lean over in the outfit enough to prove it. Then we’re good).
I sometimes ask my dad’s opinion as well, but, like many fathers, to him almost everything not clear to the ankles is "cutting it close." We have a standing system of "agreeing to disagree” in a few areas, such as leggings (my mom has my back on them long as I am wearing a long top over them and preferably loose, high boots. That’s the best way to wear them anyway, I think!)
I also see the boundaries that we set in clothing as needing to be somewhat fluid – i.e., open to change as necessary to live out godliness in dress based on where we are in life.
One area that I think may call for modifying dress is in exclusive dating relationships. As I always say, when it comes to avoiding sexual sin--the only sin committed "inside" the body—I believe we should be very cautious about taking any liberty. While God does see sin equally and we are to flee it all, the pull—and effect—of sexual sin is far more serious than most. This is not to say that God is not forgiving in all our sin, but we suffer more serious consequences when we cross boundaries in this area. By a couple tightening standards in dress to flee the heightened temptation that can easily come in committed relationships where all elements of attraction are present (i.e., emotional, spiritual, social and physical), they are able to honor God in the highest way. This “tightening” before marriage might be temporary, but I also believe another time that requires at least reevaluating dress standards is marriage, as the union itself is a new role for both parties that carries with it new responsibilities.
Conclusion
Even now I am still learning fresh lessons about the meaning of dressing godly. While I do not think it has to involve turtle necks paired only with long and loose skirts, it does require setting some limits on what body parts we show in dress. Whether we agree or not, our clothing is a statement of what we believe, and it reflects on us. As followers of Jesus, women and men, we are not supposed to derive our confidence from our clothing – or any other aspect of our appearance. Instead, we are to get it from pursuing inner beauty in the form of godliness. With Christ, we have so much more to live for than looking good. Our countenance is to radiate His glory—inside and out.
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