I DON'T CARE ABOUT MY HEART...

Sometimes people ask me if I work out a lot. I don’t. I hate working out. It’s time-consuming, especially cardio. And results take time. What is it—150 calories burned for every mile you run? That’s enough to melt off just a small cup of yogurt—forget losing the rest of your meals. To put things in perspective, if you eat a 600-calorie dinner, that’s considered healthy, right? That means you have to run, what—at least 4 miles to burn off that meal? And that’s only if you’re eating right. My biggest gripe isn’t so much running itself—I can do it—I just find it unbearably long and boring.

Then there’s the cardio “sweat” factor. I hate sweating. Yet that’s the essence of cardio. Sweat. I hate to smell my pits after a good run/bike/elliptical/cross-trainer session. After it, you immediately have to shower—at least you should. I don’t play with my showers after cardio. I end up spending more time scrubbing off and getting dressed for the day than I actually do working out. By the time I finish both working out and showering, I’ve been in the gym for more than an hour.

The woes of cardio are the reason that, when I do work out, I lift weights. The more muscle you have, the more fat you burn…so, I like to build muscle. I use a stomach machine of some kind (don’t know what their called); a bicep curl thingy, the inner and outer thigh machines and something for the hamstrings. I do four reps of ten on each machine with medium weights—those rinky-dink ones won’t get you anywhere, and the heavy weights I can’t lift. When I finish my work out, I look at my watch, and I’ve been in the gym for twenty minutes (thirty max), there’s not an ounce of sweat on my back, and I still smell fresh. And if I’m consistent for a couple weeks (big IF), I see results. However, I’ve never been consistent enough to claim that my body is the result of working out, but I’d like to at some point. Physically speaking, lifting weights provides the most efficient work out (My only exception to my weight-lifting-only rule: jump roping—you do it for 10 minutes, and you burn as many calories as running for 20-30 minutes. It’s also actually fun).

Today I was further reminded of how cardio is just not for me right now. After lifting weights for about 20 minutes, I passed the treadmills and decided to give it a go for nostalgia’s sake. I’ll run one mile, I told myself. I set the treadmill to my optimal fat-burning zone, which is about 3.2-4.0 miles per hour. That’s like, a 12-14-minute mile. Twelve to fourteen dreadful minutes. By the time I hit .30 a mile, I had already been on there for like, five minutes, and I still had .70 to go. Screw that, I said. I have thaanngs (i.e. “things”) to do. Trying to hit the mile and run OUT of there, I doubled my speed. But somehow, I still felt the workout was taking forever. So I sped up a little more. And I still felt I was getting nowhere. I just wanted to complete the stinkin’ measly mile! By the time I finished, I was all nasty and sweaty, and I suddenly had to bolt from the gym so I could take my second shower of the morning. I’ve had my cardio fill, and I won’t be doing it for a while.

I know cardio has other benefits—it makes your heart healthier, which lowers your risk for cardiovascular diseases such as diabetes, high blood pressure, and clogged arteries that lead to heart attacks. Those are pluses lifting can’t give you. But at 25, I’m only slightly more than marginally concerned with these issues. I’ve had my check-ups; my blood pressure is great, my cholesterol is low, and my weight’s fine. That means I can concentrate on more relevant things—such as liking me in that dress. This may sound shallow, but please, put my whole person in perspective…Right now, I don’t care (that much) about my heart…I just wanna look good.