What Makes a Good Love Story?

Recently, I’ve been bombarded with stories of love and marriage. First, I’ve seen a lot of romantic movies lately. Something New (again; worth seeing more than once). The Wedding Date (so-so). Failure to Launch (funny). Two Can Play that Game (one of my long-standing favorite movies, minus a couple distasteful parts, but a must-watch for guys and girls)…I’ve also been around a ton of newlyweds, and every other day it seems a wedding invitation comes in the mail. And, a couple weeks ago on gmail chat, a good friend of mine told me she’d be getting married. Finally, I was getting a new blow dryer at my local beauty supply store when I happened to hear another customer say she and her boyfriend were getting married after dating for five years…it’s a season of love, and I can’t escape the let’s-get-hitched stories!

These happenings got me thinking about what I believe makes a good wedding (or love) story. I’m not much into the love-at-first-sight tales; as I’ve said before, I believe only in infatuation at first sight. Loving someone requires knowing that person’s flaws and being able to handle them—“unconditional commitment to an imperfect person(author unknown),” if you will. You can’t see and accept another’s flaws immediately. That’s not to say it’s impossible to meet someone and believe that you’ll marry that person (although I doubt I’d ever say that; I’m not that trusting), but, again, even if you say that, you’re still just recognizing that you have a feeling for another that could turn into love. Also, assuming you get married, predicting that you’ll marry someone is bound to be true at some point; just because that statement is fulfilled does not automatically mean you were in love at hello.

At the other extreme, I also don’t like those break-up-and-get-back-together-then-break-up-and-get-back-together-and-do-it-all-again stories. Granted, there are legitimate reasons to end a relationship with someone you really care about, only to end up with that person later, but I’m no expert on what those legit reasons are. What I’m griping about is a multiple break-up situation where the main problem is…the people. One person is really committed to the other; the other party, not-so much. Yet the wayward one strings the other along because he or she “treats me right/better than anyone I’ve ever been with” despite the fact that this unsure person doesn’t love the other…no, wait…does…or might…but wait, “just needs more time to decide.” And, of course, the other faithful one always stays true to that fickle person, because that boyfriend or girlfriend is “just so awesome.” If these couples finally decide to get married, it’s often because after a few years of relationship-exploration-relationship-exploration-relationship, the unsure person finally concludes “there’s nothing better out there for me than you, O Faithful One.” I know God can work out these situations, but I think that, if you’ve been nothing-but- faithful from the start, settling for someone who has been unfaithful repeatedly amounts to charity dating—i.e., selling yourself short. I also think that we get what we pray for, and why pray for that “happy ending” when you can be with someone who loved you and was committed from the start of the relationship? I guess I just don’t get it…"Love"?

Okay, now that I’ve gone on a somewhat-cynical tangent, what are the ingredients for my favorite love story? There’s two. First, it’s the pure friends-to-lovers thing (not the friends-to lovers-to “friends”-to “lovers” saga). In these cases, bonding begins outside the realm of romance; even if two friends were romantically interested in each other, for a time they put hormones aside to discover the other simply as…a person, not a lover—sometimes for years. Granted, friends-to-lover relationships can often be the hardest to establish because you risk losing a friend—but the foundation on which they’re built makes them sustainable. And to me, sustainability is what makes a relationship beautiful.

My other favorite ingredient? A tale where God is in it from the beginning, because the couple were praying for the relationship even before they got into it; they didn’t fall in love, then decide to consult God. I’ve seen so many examples where relationship drama is eliminated because of prayer—which doesn’t mean these unions aren’t difficult, just that the unnecessary hardships that come when humans are in control are eliminated. When God’s guiding a relationship from the start—and continues to be part of it— it can only have a happy ending.