What I Eat

I’m a Food Diva. That’s my way of saying I have supposedly “high” standards when it comes to food. Where most people dig into a dish and call it “delicious,” I will famously wrinkle my nose and declare, in a somewhat whiny, drawn-out voice, “it’s o-kayyy.” That doesn’t mean I think it’s horrible, but it does mean that, to borrow from my mom, the Food Diva Queen Bee (I’m just the Princess:)), it doesn’t have much of a taste (she would actually declare it has “no taste”). I guess part of my reaction comes from the fact that I’m a horrible liar—I can’t mask when I don’t like something to save my life—yet I also don’t really like to pronounce things—or people—as “bad” unless it’s especially horrible. I find that unnecessarily hurtful.

Although I’ll admit “diva” connotes snobbery, this blog is dedicated to putting a likable, understandable face on my choosy eating habits. After reading this, you’ll be closer to understanding—and speaking—my food language...

1. KNOW THE STAPLES.
There are really six ingredients from which most of my meals flow: pasta, boneless skinless chicken (baked or grilled, at times sautéed, but rarely fried), potatoes, cheese, bread and tortillas. That means that, on most days, I’m eating Italian or Mexican. When these are the choices, I usually find something I like without having to complain first. Exception: Taco Bell.

2. KNOW THE FLAVORS.
I’m cream sauce’s number-one fan (e.g. in pasta or soup), but, unfortunately, I’ve recently come to terms with the fact that most restaurants that make it don’t know about the secret found in number 8. I’ve recently switched to red sauces—or a combination of cream and red—because they’re just harder to mess up. Other flavors of fun are onions (red and white), garlic, celery and avocado. I also can’t live without a little cayenne pepper and pesto. Also throw in habanerro, but only a little.

3. FRESHNESS IS THE MANTRA.
I’m not into dieting; I’m more into lifestyle. Food in America is filled with so many preservatives, and I think avoiding them lets you get more out of your calories. (I’m not the organic/Whole Foods type, because there’s too much evidence “organic” is synonymous with “overpriced” and “minimal added nutritional value”). Also, in my opinion, fresh ingredients just taste better. The best cooks can throw it down with minimal grease (my mom is in that number). There are a number of stores and restaurants that actually make their own sauces, breads and pastas. If you look, you’ll find them.

4. SPARE THE RED MEAT.
It doesn’t taste bad—I’ll eat it on occasion—but, generally, I avoid it because just two or three bites of steak and the like makes me full for like, days. The only exception: ground beef—on a backyard grill or in a pasta dish.

5. PINK IS OUT.
a. All meat must be well done which, of course, speaks mostly to red meat. No exceptions. In my mind, blood just doesn’t belong in anything I digest. E. coli, anyone?

6. RECOGNIZE MY FAST-FOOD VICES.
Although I gave up eating fast food regularly in my early college years, there are a couple things you can tempt me to eat: a McDonald’s cheeseburger or a spicy chicken sandwich from Wendy’s (hold the mayo--aka “figure suicide.” They also say that about cream sauce, but I don’t believe it; add honey mustard and ketchup--few calories; great flavor). Note this point is assuming Chipotle doesn’t quite count as fast food. If it does, I’m not as principled as I may sound.

7. EXPAND THE NOTION OF “DINNER.”
I’m a true ice cream fan, which means I eat it religiously, even in winter when people are wimping out (you drink cold juice and water out of a fridge year-round, don’t you?) When I just get sick of food, dinner’s at Cold Stone.

8. LET ME COOK.
I’m willing to experiment in the kitchen, and get the dish just right. The secret to “taste”: chicken bouillon. In anything. Most people don’t use it—to their cooking detriment.

That’s all I have time for…The truth is, I’m simply a woman of standards; I’m not so much picky as I am…wisely choosy. I firmly believe in quality, and I know it when I taste it. Raise a glass (of water or 100% juice): to understanding what I eat.